Anatomy of a Guest Post

Part I: This is the introduction. It’s supposed to go something like, “Ohmygod Rachael asked ME to guest post! Little old ME!?! Can you BELIEVE it?!?!?” And it’s really sweet and complimentary and self-deprecating.

Hi. I’m Bejewell. I love Rachael and she is awesome but I am too, so fuck all that self-deprecating nonsense.

Part II: This is the part where I’m supposed to tell you about how worried and stressed I’ve been over trying to write something that doesn’t suck, because I don’t want to embarrass myself, kill Rachael’s blog, blah, etc., blah, etc., blah, etc., blah blechh blaaaahhhh.

Worried? Stressed? ME? Pfffffft.

I have no sense of accountability. It’s Rachael’s own fault for inviting me to post here.

Part III: This is the part where I’m supposed to launch into some kind of story. Something cute and funny. Nothing too offensive, because I am, after all, a GUEST here.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, I’m all out of cute and funny.

I tried to mine my old list of ideas for a post that wouldn’t suck, but my list of ideas went exactly like this:

• Timesheets Are Ruining My Life
• A Phone Call to My Boobs
• Ugly Nanny: Looks DO Matter When You’re Watching My Kid
• The Space-time Continuum is Totally Fucked Up
• I Want to Make Out With William Shatner
• Why Chocolate Chip Pancakes Were Sent By God
• Naked Pictures of Avitable

See what I mean? I don’t have shit. The naked pictures of Avitable might have worked but I don’t actually have any of those, just that one that graced his guest post over at Sarcastic Mom a couple of weeks ago, and I really don’t need to draw attention to how much better HIS guest post was than MINE.

So instead you get this. You’re welcome.

Part IV: This is the part where I’m supposed to summarize what I’ve written and crack a few more jokes for those of you who got bored with this dumbass post and skipped to the end.

Of course, the need for this summary assumes that you actually came back after viewing that picture of Avitable, instead of getting lost in the fantasy like I did.

In case you did, here’s what we’ve learned from this guest post:

1. Rachael is awesome.
2. I am also awesome.
3. It’s kind of amazing that anyone reads my blog at all.
4. It IS possible for back fat to be sexy.
5. I have a few issues that should probably be worked out in therapy.

Part IV: This is the conclusion, where I’m supposed to (a) thank Rachael for letting me take up space on her blog, and (ii) subtly mention that I also have a blog and point you in that direction, in case you’d like to read more of my silly little posts.

(a) Thanks, Rachael. Have I mentioned that you’re awesome?

(ii) I really suck at the art of self-promotion, so instead of playing up my blog The Bean, which is really rad and can also be found at http://themusicalfruit.net, I’ll just say Sayonara and Good Luck and Best Wishes and Adios and Feliz Navidad and Whatever, and then I’ll return to my own little corner of the Blogosphere, which happens to be named after my awesome kid and is located at http://themusicalfruit.net.

See you there.

Or not.

Either way, this post is all Rachael’s fault.

Love,

Beej.

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I love Bejewell. She is hilarious. I was immediately drawn in to her blog when I saw her web address for her blog, The Bean - themusicalfruit.net. Seriously, could a blog title be any more perfect for my sense of humor? Okay, that was a little embarrassing to admit. Let's move on. Her little boy is adorable, and she cracks me up almost every day then every once in a while she comes out of left field and hits me upside the head with a heartbreaker like this. How awesome.