A Prayer for Aurora

It is 10:07 on a Friday night, and in our culture is one of information-this-minute.  It feels like old news to talk about something that happened 22 hours ago, even though in reality the ramifications of this morning's tragedy will last years.

I had a busy day without much computer time until after the kids were in bed, and I didn't have time to think about last night's shooting at the midnight show of The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado.  It is so hard to think about these things happening in the places where we are most relaxed, and where we feel safe.  At school, at work, places we are comfortable because we are there every day.  And now, at the movie theater, where we go to get away.  Christopher Nolan, director of the movie, said the following:

"The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me," Nolan said in a statement on behalf of the cast and crew of the film. "Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families."

I can imagine how devastating it would be, in much the same way it was devastating for teachers when the first school shootings started to happen.  This is his livelihood, his life, his ART, and it is painful to have this kind of mark thrown across it.

Then the kids were in bed, and a story came up in my feedreader on MamaPop.  In "The Batman Massacre And How We Grapple With Tragedy", Kristine wrote:

"At the time of this writing, there’s still very little known about the details surrounding this shooting. We do know that it happened in a packed movie theater during a midnight showing of Batman. We also know that the gunman was 24 years old and was taken, without struggle, into police custody shortly after the shooting. And we know that many people–children included–are dead, and even more–an infant included–are wounded.

And what the hell are we supposed to do with this information? Other than rage and plead and beg for it to stop?"

Honestly, what can we do?  We cannot do anything.  It is done.  For whatever reason, this young man decided to go out and murder a bunch of people, and in a setting where they felt completely safe.  He did not discriminate by age, sex, or anything.  People can argue about security, gun control, weapons control; but it seems like those who are compelled to harm in this manor will always find a way.

For whatever reason, because of the way things are, everyone has to give a quote about how sad and shocked they are, from the studio heads to the directer to others in Hollywood.  They have to worry about the trailers being shown in the theaters and be asked if they think this will affect the box office for opening weekend of their new movie.  I see the headlines and wonder how ridiculous the media can be to ask these questions, but for some people this is their livelihood.  Movie theater owners and workers, and who knows who else.  For some people, asking these questions is how they will try to push down their feelings about what's happened, they will look at the numbers and facts and forget about the emotions.

Other people will immerse themselves in debate.  Is this movie too violent?  Are movies these days too violent as a whole?  Have we become desensitized?!  Do we need more gun control?  In one comment I read, someone jokingly mentioned an Entertainment Safety Administration ala the TSA.  It seems ridiculous, but honestly, before 9/11 you could walk into the airport without much of a problem.  People will start to question and start to blame, and they will put police at the doors even though the likelihood of anything like this happening again this weekend is probably absurdly low.

In her article, Kristin ended by saying this:

"Each of us is trying to wrestle with some massive and intangible monster. Sometimes that fight looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like disillusionment. Sometimes it is simply a tremendous pile of sorrow and helplessness.  

 Let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s be self-aware and kind and do our best to shine a little extra light into a day that is so filled with darkness."

That is where my heart lies.  As human beings, it is not our job to debate about gun control, to demonize the shooter, to discuss little kids in movie theaters at midnight or to judge the situation in any number of ways, really.  It IS our job to feel compassion, to offer whatever love we have, and to hold each other up.  To help others when they need it in whatever tiny way we can.  This is not about gun control or politics, this is about people.

I can scarcely bring myself to imagine the terror of being in a movie theater by myself and having this kind of thing happen.  Let alone being in a crowded theater.  Let alone with my best friends or children, the people I love most in the world.  I cannot comprehend the horror of it.  Some of them will not be able to go out in public.  Some of them will never go to the movies again.  Some of them will need years of therapy.

Tonight I will lie awake in bed, and I will pray for the victims of the shooting.  For their peace, their eventual happiness to return.  I will send any positive thoughts and energy I have to these people, who are confused, and hurt, and terrified, and feeling things they didn't even know were possible.  I will pray for the families of the people who died.  They have lost the ones they love suddenly and tragically and violently.  I will pray for their peace, and for the ability to remember the good times, and to be left alone if that is what they want.  There are probably hundreds of people in Aurora who are currently having the worst day of their entire life, and that is... well, there are no words.  For some, it won't be, because one of the first major school shootings ever happened in Littleton, only 13 miles away.  And there are no words for that either.  No one should have to experience one tragedy like this, let alone two.

I will pray for the owner of the theater, whose workplace has been turned into a place of tragedy.  I will pray for the workers whose regular shift turned into something terrible.  For the police who had to respond, and for the EMTs and doctors and nurses who saved lives, and for those who couldn't because there was nothing they could do.

This is also not about crucifying the shooter.  I will pray for him too, because he obviously has monumental problems that I cannot imagine.  Because until more news comes out, I don't know if he is sick or crazy or has had terrible things happen to him.  I do not know why he did this, and I don't care.  He is in custody, and he cannot hurt anyone else now.  I hope that if he needs help, he gets it.  I know it won't be a comfort to anyone who was in that theater, or lives in that town, but maybe it will be to his family.  Speaking of whom, they'll be in my prayers as well.  In these cases, it seems like at some point people always decide to question and blame the parents.  How insensitive can you get?  They have lost everything too, their child, the life they had, it is all gone.  They will worry for their son, their brother, or whoever it is to them, and they will wonder how this possibly could have happened.  Before people start to blame them, they will probably wonder if they could have somehow prevented this.  They will forever be conflicted with the love and pain in their hearts over their son and the pain and desperation they will feel when thinking about the victim's and their families.  I will not judge them.  I will pray that somehow they'll find peace too.

In the end, none of this will affect my everyday life.  I don't know these people, and it is a terrible, sad, tragic event, but it will have no impact.  But for tonight, I will wonder why, and I will let myself cry and in the end I will pray.  Because it's all I can do.

Fifty Shades of Grey

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My President, My Hope

On a Thursday afternoon, I found myself sitting in a Starbucks in downtown Bellingham trying not to cry.  I am the first to admit that I am not super politically active.  Yes, I vote.  And I have political views which are based on the morals and values by which I choose to live my life.  But I generally don't go to rallies, read message boards, or choose to get into political debates.  There are few issues that get me worked up enough to feel emotional.

Today as I was reading through old birthday letters that I had written to my boys, I came across a letter that I wrote to Sam two days after Barak Obama was elected President.  Reading through it, I became teary eyed, because I remember the feeling of relief and of how proud I was that the people had spoken.  We said that what had happened in this country for the last 8 years was NOT okay.  What had been done in the name of patriotism was NOT okay.  We stood up and we said we needed a change.

This week, Barak Obama sat in front of the nation for which he was elected leader, and declared that he supports same-sex marriage.  I cannot even type those words without tearing up.  I have written before about gay marriage, both in relation to California's and then Washington's legalization of gay marriage earlier this year.  I feel incredibly strongly about this issue.  I have gay friends, and my cousin Emaleigh, one of my favorite people in the world, is a lesbian.  The idea that she cannot be legally married in the state she has lived in for her entire life breaks my heart and at the same time fills me with anger.  Where do people get off denying rights to an entire group of people in this day and age?

I am so proud of Obama.  For showing his support for the basic human rights of people who just happen to be gay.  For showing that ideas can change, and evolve.  For, one again, giving me hope.  Michelle at Burgh Baby wrote a great post today called Thank You, Mr. President.  I loved how she put this:

"The facts, as I see them, are as simple as this: love is love. If two people want to celebrate their love by making a lifelong commitment, it should be their decision to make. My life will change in no way when  same-sex marriage becomes a norm. There may be benefits that come about, but there most certainly will be no harm.

My marriage will mean just as much then as it does now."

She talks about how this makes her feel in relation to her young daughter, and the world she will grow up in.  This is where I get even more sentimental.  I want my boys to grow up in a world that is good.  I hope that by the time they are older, they will not even realize that people used to be treated differently because of their sexual orientation.  I hope that they will see it in the same light I see women or black people getting the vote, and feel disbelief that those basic rights were denied so recently.  I hope that same-sex marriage will be something they don't even think about as not having existed.  I want them to grow up in a world where tolerance quashes hatred, where love conquers oppression.  I hope that when they watch this video, they will find nothing out of the ordinary about seeing an African-American President declare that same-sex marriage should be legal, and that I will have to explain to them why it was a big deal.



There are those who like to say that Barak Obama has not done enough for our country.  Frankly, I don't care.  I could point out that Obama's spending is less than a quarter of what Bush spent.  I could show you fact after fact about what he's done.  Beyond all that, he has given me, and millions of others, something to believe in.  He has started us back on the path to having a country we can be proud of again.  Things are changing, and it is beautiful.  I know there is a long way to go before it's a reality everywhere like it is here in Washington, but I am so happy that we are on our way.  And I'd echo Michelle and just say this: Thank you, Mr. President.  For giving me hope again. 

Friday Fragments!

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post.

Friday Fragments are the brainchild of Mrs.4444 and you can find more at Half Past Kissin' Time.

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This week, a family in my community suffered a horrible tragedy when their 10 year old was accidentally hanged on Monday evening.  I wrote yesterday about how the community has been rallying around the family.  Today, I'm just finding myself upset because of something I KNEW would happen with media coverage.  People are being insensitive, saying things about his parents, about how he "should" have been raised, about it being "fishy" (it's not).  I did not expect Caleb's story to show up on Huffington Post or The Daily Mail.  Or for a wonderful reporter from the LA Times to write an amazing, beautiful story about him.  I just wish that people could see this for what it is - a terrible, terrible accident - and support Caleb's family right now.  I am also really proud and amazed that the Moms in my community raised over $1000 in less than 2 days to give to the family. It makes me feel like I'm part of a great community, and it makes me feel a little safer knowing how people support each other when things happen in life.

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I discovered the best thing this week thanks to Mimi from Irresistible Icing.  I had the Weight Watchers app on my phone already, but she recently featured the Weight Watchers Barcode Scanner in a post on her site.  You scan the barcode on any food and it tells you the serving size, fat, carbs, protein, fiber & points plus value!  This is going to be SO handy when I'm grocery shopping or at the store trying to pick out a snack.  I LOVE it!

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Last weekend my best friend and I were talking about something we're going to do later this year - attend the Supernatural Con in Vancouver, B.C.  I am SO excited. I'm going to start saving my money now so I can buy a couple of photo ops.  Yes, I'm a geek!

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Justin just got home from work and I found out he got invited to go down on a sort of 'man weekend' with his boss and co-worker.  Normally I would hate that... but Danny freakishly fell asleep early today (he is asleep at 5:30.  I am scared about what will happen next).  I guess I'm feeling generous.  I called my Mom and she said she can hang out with me and maybe give me a couple of hours off Sunday, so he's getting his stuff ready to go now.

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Not much else to say now!  I hope everyone has a good weekend, I'll be around to visit all the Friday Fragments posts, maybe even tonight!

Tragedy, Heartache & Community

I spent a good part of my day today thinking about a boy I never really met.  Yesterday, a 5th grade student from Sam's elementary school died after a tragic accident on Monday night.  I do not know his family personally, but Caleb Kors was very well known in our community.  His parents vend at the Bellingham Farmer's Market, and he was a member of the Bellingham Circus Guild and performed at the Farmer's Market and various other places and events.  His family lives a mile away from us, and are members of the same community we are.  I heard a lot about him because of my connection to my Sudden Valley Moms group and Sam's school.



What a vibrant, cool kid.  I realized after the first news came out of his accident that this was the boy I'd seen around the playground a couple of times walking tightrope style across the top of the swing set.  He loved what he did, and loved entertaining people.  I have seen a lot of comments on Facebook and our local newspaper website from people who knew him from seeing him perform.  People say he had a heart of gold, that his skills were great, but his heart was even bigger.  He was a charismatic kid who spent a lot of time making people smile.



I find myself in a position again where I am left feeling absolutely heartbroken for a member of our community.  It's been less than two years since the death of Anna Brulotte, a little girl who was killed by a car in downtown Bellingham.  Even though I didn't know her, there were people I knew who had been there, and my husband went to high school with her mother.  When Caleb passed away, a part of me could not believe something like this could be happening again.  Then I imagine the ache in my heart time a million and I can't stop thinking about his parents and siblings, and how terrible it is.  My heart just hurts, and I wish more than anything that there was something I could do to help.  No one should ever have to lose a child.  It's inconceivable.

It has been a little weird because information has been flying around Facebook since he was injured, and it seems so public.  Many of my mom friends around town knew what had happened and the outcome way before the local paper even did.  The information that his death was an accidental hanging is brutal and it was out there before he even passed away.  Since then, the information has become public with the consent of his parents, but at the time it was hard to know who knew about it and even though I wanted to know what happened, I felt a little strange knowing.

But this is another case where my faith in the goodness of people is being restored.  I have watched the other mothers in my community rally around this family - there is already an online meal calendar set up to provide food for Caleb's family so they don't have to think about it.  They are making prayer flags, and talking to the school, and thinking about housecleaning and what the family will need when they are home.  People are already talking about fundraisers and memorials to help the family pay for medical bills and funeral expenses.  Not just talking, but taking action.  A Facebook page has been set up for sharing news, information, and most of all for supporting his family.  There is already a paypal account set up for people who want to help monetarily.  This little boy had dozens and dozens of people rooting for him, and now all of these people are praying and offering whatever they can to his family.  These are not resources that would have been in place in the past, and action would not have been this quick.  This family is obviously very active in the community in Bellingham, and I'm sure they would have had support.  But is there really such thing as too much love, caring, or compassion in this kind of situation?

A letter came home from school today that said that they have grief counselors on hand, and also that Caleb will be helping people because he is an organ donor.  I think it's amazing for a child's parents to be able to see through their grief that they can help others.  It's a huge gift to others who are sick and need help.

Today I as I drove down the road, there were clear blue skies, the sun was out, and Mt. Baker was crisp and beautiful in the distance.  I looked around me and I thought, the world is going on, but it's never going to be the same for Caleb's family.  It is so beautiful and bright, but for them it is such a dark time.  As a mother, even the imagining of losing a child is almost too much.  I tried to get my head around all the people in this community who are hurting right now.  Around how much his Mom and Dad and siblings are missing him right now.  I don't think I can.  My heart is with the Kors family tonight.

If you are the praying type, I know that any prayers or thoughts for peace and comfort for Caleb's family will reach them somehow.  A paypal account has been set up to help with medical bills, funeral expenses and whatever the family needs. You can make paypal donations by donating to the email address calebflipkors@hotmail.com.

20 Kids is Too Many

So, did you hear?  Michelle Duggar is pregnant AGAIN.  With baby #20.  Look, to each his own... except I'm a bit bugged by this one.  First of all, she is now 45 years old.  She has given birth 19 times.  She is of "advanced maternal age" which means that there's a higher chance for something to go awry with the baby.  If she has a special needs child at this point, there are already more than a dozen young children that need to be taken care of.  Mostly what bugs me about that she is pregnant again after what happened with the last one:

Michelle Duggar suffered preeclampsia during last pregnancy. Her blood pressure soared and protein appeared in her urine. To save Duggar’s life, doctors had to deliver daughter Josie three-and-a-half months early. She weighed only 1 pound six ounces and experienced a number of health problems, but she’s now a healthy toddler who will turn 2 in December.  However, some problems related to prematurity don’t become apparent until a child is in school. source

Yeah... so she couldn't carry anywhere near full term, and both her life and the babies life were at risk.  I think it's irresponsible.  It's one thing to put your own life at risk if you don't have children, but she already has 19 kids who love her that she needs to be there for.  Additionally, she's putting the babies life at risk by even being pregnant in the first place.  She had preeclampsia once, which means she is at a higher risk for having it again.  Having a higher number of babies can also lead to risk of excessive bleeding after birth.

I know, it's her life.  I'm not going to tell people how many children to have.  It just seems like there must be a point where the risks outweigh the benefits, and it seems like that time has arrived for the Duggars.  Their last daughter spent the first six months of her life in a hospital and was in critical condition.  I'm sure that took them away from their other kids and caused a lot of stress for everyone.  Yes, I'm sure that every baby is beautiful and makes them happy.  But, when is enough just... enough?

I also don't buy the argument that we should butt out and let them be happy.  If you're going to put your life on National TV for everyone to watch, have a very nice, professionally designed website about your family, and publish books about your life, you are ASKING for people to have opinions about you.  You can't have it both ways.

One of the things that bothers me about The Duggars and other families that play out their lives on channels like TLC is that they are not really being authentic at this point.  Sure, they can say they live a certain way.  But they're also making $25,000 or $40,000 or more per episode of the show.  They also have their own store at Christianbooks.com.  They can talk about the lifestyle all they want, but the reality is that the lifestyle they set out to have when they were just a big family five or ten years ago has certainly been altered by the media attention and the fact that they are advertising for CollegePlus and whatever else.

At this point, they have a grandchild who will be older than their next child.  Maybe they could concentrate on giving love to that kid and supporting their child, who is now a parent, through that journey.  It's certainly not always easy.  I can't help wondering if after this baby is done, Michelle and Jim throw in the towel.  Or whatever.  It would be such a shame for those 19 or 20 kids to lose their mother.

Friday Fragments: Shoes, Scandals & Stories

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post.

Friday Fragments are the brainchild of Mrs.4444 and you can find more at Half Past Kissin' Time.

*****

I was thinking last night when I was putting Sam to bed about US shoe sizes and how they're messed up.  In Europe, they just start and then keep going up and up as you grow.  But here, there are three sets - baby/toddler, kid, and adult.  Why do we have to make it so confusing?!

*****

You've probably heard some about this huge scandal that's come out at Penn State about the assistant coach who is a child molester.  Allegedly.  I'll add that since I have to.  I was actually born in State College, PA while both of my parents went to school there, and have lots of friends and family from that area.  It resulted this week in Joe Paterno, the head football coach, being fired after 46 seasons.  Basically, back in 2002 a graduate assistant reported to Paterno that he'd seen the assistant coach raping a 10 year old boy in the showers.  Paterno told his bosses, who didn't do anything, and over the next 9 years this assistant coach went on to molest many other boys.

My gut reaction is 'hell yes, he should be fired.'  He absolutely should have reported it to the police.  The graduate assistant should have reported it to the police.  Paterno's bosses should have reported it to the police.  This brings up the whole issues of personal conduct vs. professional conduct.  Michael Vick is still on the Eagles after his whole dog-fighting scandal.  I'm not comparing dog fighting to pedophilia either, just thinking about general issues of conduct, job performance, and being a role model.  If Paterno had been the only one who knew, then it would make sense that he'd be the only one ousted.  But McQuery, the guy who actually SAW the act is currently still employed by Penn State.  I'm just not sure how THAT makes sense.

The bottom line is that it's a big effing mess.  It sucks.  Lots of boys were hurt, and it absolutely could have been prevented.  It's deplorable.  And it's a shame.

*****

I am excited because my best friend and her kids are coming up to Bellingham today to visit since there's no school.  They haven't seen our new house yet, plus it's nice and tidy now since that usually happens before we have visitors.  Double bonus!

*****

This week, I got caught up on my reading for my book clubs and I'm now on track again to meet my goal of reading 50 books this year!  I am SO excited, I haven't actually met the goal for a couple of years.  I'm currently reading "Matched" by Ally Condi and enjoying it so far.  I'm about halfway through and really starting to wonder when something big is going to happen.  I have high hopes since a friend told me they liked it even better than "Divergent," I'm just not seeing that quite yet.

I also started and finished "One Day" by David Nicholls this week.  I don't read a lot of love stories, but this is the second time in the past five years that I've found myself absolutely loving one (the first was "The Time Traveler's Wife" which is one of my favorite books ever). I am always excited to find a book with a unique format or a new way of telling a story - "One Day" is told over the course of 20 years, the story of the same day each year in the course of a relationship between Dexter and Emma. I was not hooked right away, but as I continued to read I found the writing was striking me with the accurate and unique descriptions of life. It was also funny, and the story was touching. I found the ending unexpected, and at one point basically felt like the book had punched me in the gut, which is both mildly disturbing and somewhat enjoyable.


*****


Today is Veteran's Day, so of course I want to say Thank You to all of the women and men out there who have put their lives on the line to fight for this country.  Whether or not I agree with the conflict, I will ALWAYS support the troops themselves, and be grateful they are willing to fight for me to have the freedom that I enjoy.  Here is a photo of my Father in Law.  He looks young.  That is because he changed the year on his birth certificate to enlist in the Marines.

*****

Should be a good weekend, I have my book club on Sunday and on Saturday I'm hoping for some one on one time with Sam.  Got any fun plans?

Goodbye, Borders

Ironically, I heard the news from the Barnes & Noble bookseller who was gift-wrapping a purchase for me. Borders Books would be no more. Friday July 22, 2011 would mark the beginning of the end for 399 stores and over 10,000 employees as the sales begin and the inventory is liquidated.

I don't know that I was shocked, but on the way home in the car, I found myself teary-eyed for the dying book giant. I worked at Borders for three years while I was in college and after I graduated, and even though I felt totally silly shedding a tear for a retail store, I later told Justin it kind of felt like an old boss died.

I've worked for several companies in my short career, and my time at Borders was absolutely my favorite job. As a book lover, going to a place where I could be surrounded by them all day (and get a pretty awesome employee discount) was awesome. I also met my best friend there, and my co-workers WERE my friends - I got to go to work and hang out with them every day.

I worked as a cashier and a seller. I worked on the special process team doing inventory, periodicals, pulling books to be sent back to various places, processing defective and damaged merchandising and unpacking and sorting hundreds of boxes of books. I worked in the children's section arranging oddly sized books and grumbling internally about the crazy mess, but loving the picture books I discovered while shelving. I ended up as a cafe supervisor, got great experience with ordering and supervising and opening and closing the three story bookstore in Bellevue Square.

It's been 8 years since I worked at Borders - it's hard for me to believe it's been so long. I've had two kids, moved a few times, and watched from afar on Facebook as my old friends have moved around and gotten married. I often wish that I could still be as close with some of them as I was back then, but distance and circumstance and just being in different places in life has carried us away from each other. I still miss them.

The ones I do keep in contact with regularly, I enjoy. I'm so happy that these people were brought into my life. As for my best friend, I will never, ever forget the times we had together laughing in the sort room and all of that lead to the friendship we have today.

I've been a Borders girl for years. I've shopped at Barnes and Noble recently due to the fact that we didn't have a Borders here in Bellingham. I'm going to miss it.

Heartbreak at Home

The internet and the widespread media in our world make it common to hear about tragedy. Somehow, though, it can be especially heartbreaking and real when it happens close to home.

When Justin came home from work today, he told me that someone he knew had something awful happen to them today, they'd been a first responder at a car accident where a child had died. How completely awful and tragic.

This evening, I picked up my phone and the tweet that was showing on my screen was a headline from our local paper: "Toddler hit by car, killed near Bellingham's Assumption Catholic School."

A toddler.

She was only three at the most, and was holding her mother's hand when the incident occurred.

Holding her mother's hand.

We think we can keep our children safe. We hold their hands in parking lots. We teach them to look both ways when they cross the street. What do we do when it's just not enough?
Many lives have been altered today. A family, with another 5 year old and an 8 year old, has lost one of it's own. A mother has lost her child. First responders and students from the nearby high school witnessed the accident and watched another person die today. The person who is thought to have caused the accident is only 17 years old, and will have to live with it forever. The driver whose car struck the child is only 22, and had stopped to let them cross. She was doing the right thing. And her life is forever changed because her car struck a child and she watched her die.

In the horror of it all, I can't contain my tears.

Please pray tonight, for all of them.

September 11, 2010: We Must Stand United in Love

I have spent a significant amount of time in the last few days wondering what to post today.

I looked in my archives to see what I've posted in the past, and I have not posted anything. Perhaps it just wasn't the way I memorialized the day in the last couple of years.

I looked in my journal to see what I wrote that day. The thing that struck me the most was something I wrote on September 12, 2001:

"I laid there last night and for the first time in my life I didn't feel safe in my own bed. Every little noise made my heart race."

I've kept an eye on my feedreader in the last 2 days to see what others wrote to acknowledge this day. Some people wrote about their memories of that day.

Marinka re-posted something she'd written about her experience of September 11, living in New York, and how that day sticks in her mind.

Mrs. Chicken captured me with this line, which made me freeze even now: "I remember my father, standing in the living room of my parents’ house, TV remote dangling from one hand, mouth agape."

Diane wrote about her morning, and captured me with the image of a storytime interrupted with a passed note and a "We're going to stop here. You should all go home."

Kristin was alone on 9/11/01, like I was, and found herself glad because "I cried my heart out for a few days and I know that I wouldn't have been able to fully express my sorrow if he were home. I hated being alone for most of that week, hated knowing that my sister, mom and husband were all on the West coast, but it truly was a blessing that I was alone."

Sarah recalled the events of her 9/11/01 at 36 weeks pregnant and brought tears to my eyes with this:

"I spent the next three days on the couch in my "uniform" (you know, the only XL maternity clothes that fit), glued to the TV. Alternating between grief, disbelief and horror.

What kind of world was I bringing a child into?

Unsafe.

September 11, 2001. I will never forget."

One day, I will record my memories of that morning. Today, it is too much to think about.

Lindsey wrote about the realization that her children never knew a world where the World Trade Towers stood tall, and her hope that they will never know tragedy like this.

I've thought about this too. I have visited NYC several times, and have photos of myself with the World Trade Center as a backdrop. One visit, I stayed in the hotel at the base of the towers. When I come across those photos in my albums, I freeze. It's hard to believe that now it's just an empty space.

I think about the Holocaust during WW2 and about slavery and genocide, and I pray for my children to live in a world without such things. In comparison, September 11 was fairly small... and certainly the worst tragedy to occur in my nation during my lifetime. I hope theirs will be even smaller.

Gina paid tribute to her husband and his service to our country.

Mr. Lady wrote about what New York means to her.

Mimi wrote an uplifting post about how she recognized September 11 this year, with some great photos of her in fire fighting gear.

I find it overwhelming reading all of these words. I feel like I cannot truly recall the morning of September 11, 2001, because if I let it in - REALLY let it in - to my mind, I will break down. 9 years later, the disbelief and horror is still strong.

In addition to the tragedy and pain of the events of that day, we have another tragedy on our hands now in the prejudice that is being shown by so many against people of the Muslim faith. So, I have to say that my favorite post and action of today comes from Adam at Avitable. He created We Are MUSLIM "after listening to one of his friends, born in America and raised Muslim, break down in tears over the feeling that America was no longer a safe place for her."

From the website Adam created:

"What is “We Are Muslim”?

We are Making a United Stand to eLiminate Intolerance against Muslims.

Muslims are everywhere. They are our friends. Our neighbors. Our family. Our peers. Our colleagues. Our fellow Americans. Our fellow world citizens. And they are not terrorists. They are not dangerous or irrational or fanatics. They are peaceful and loving and kind. They are human."

"The events of 9/11 were the acts of radical extremists who perverted the tenets of their religion as a justification for their actions. And yet, across our country, a country that was founded on the concept of freedom from religious persecution, Americans are called “terrorists” and persecuted, shunned, and hated for no reason other than the fact that they are Muslim.

We cannot let this stand. Every single one of us, regardless of our religion, creed, orientation, nationality, race, or gender, needs to be united in our support of our Muslim friends. If we continue to stand idly by, we run the risk of revisiting the darkest times that our country has ever seen.

By declaring that we are MUSLIM, we can challenge those who hate, those who stereotype, those who treat someone less than human based on the shade of their skin or the religion they’ve chosen. We can encourage them to treat every American as an American and every person with the respect they deserve.

"Share this on Facebook. Subscribe to our feed for posts about the religion of Islam and the message of peace and love that prevails through this and every religion."

Thank you, Adam. Thank you for your wonderful heart, and this creation of love and unity. This is just what we need - today, and every day.

Today, I am remembering September 11. And I am looking forward to a future where we challenge hate, we provide for our fellow humans regardless of race or religion, where terrorism is erradicated and respect reigns.

It's Good To Be Back

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post. Friday Fragments are the brainchild of Mrs.4444 and you can find more at Half Past Kissin' Time.

- A few weeks ago I got to go to Seattle to see Laurell K Hamilton talk (it was mainly a 2 hour long Q&A followed by a photo op). It was a lot of fun, I went with my best friend and then stayed the night at her house. Laurell is one of my favorite authors and she doesn't seem to tour that often so it was really cool to get to see her. It was my first night away from home with Danny and I have to say that it went very well! Here is apicture of me and Danny with Ms. Hamilton!



- Somehow I have managed to keep up with the laundry fairly well the last couple of weeks. I'm one of those people who will let it pile up until someone is running out of clean underwear, then have like 8 loads to do at once. NOT fun. Lately I've been doing a load every time the basket gets full, which is essentially every day. Between my husband and a new baby, we have a lot of laundry. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that it's not so easy to keep the house cleaned up, but at least it's not a huge mess... for now.

- These?

SO good. I may need to keep a stash in my fridge from now on. Also? They will be good for Weight Watchers because they're small and you can eat just one to quell your sweet tooth! If you click the picture, you can get a $1 off coupon at the Pilsbury website, plus coupons for tons of other stuff.

- I am going to dinner at PF Changs tonight w/my best friend and then to see Eclipse with a bunch of gals. I can't wait! First off, I have been thinking about Dan Dan Noodles ever since I had my baby and named him Danny. Secondly, I am excited to have my first fun night out without the baby since he was born! I've taken him to 2 movies so far (Toy Story 3 and Knight and Day) and he didn't sleep through either, so I enjoyed it but was a little distracted with bouncing and feeding him.

- Speaking of movies, Knight and Day? It was all right. I didn't think it was spectacular or anything. Although I did enjoy the Tom Cruise Running Scene. That should be trademarked or something. Did you ever notice that every movie Tom Cruise is in has a scene where he is running intensely? My favorites are The Firm and Mission Impossible 3. Know what's funny? When I was googling to make sure it was Mission Impossible THREE that I was thinking of, I found this article about the 5 best Tom Cruise Running Moments. Ha!

- We also went and saw Toy Story 3. WTH Pixar, making me cry like a baby! It all started during the extremely upsetting scene where the toys were heading toward the incinerator. Then at the end of the movie? I was DONE as soon as Andy's Mom walked in and looked at his empty room.

- Is anyone else watching So You Think You Can Dance? This season it seems like all my favorites are guys. I am not into any of the girls this time around. I especially like Alex and Jose. Alex dancing with Twitch this week? Had to be one of my favorite EVER routines on SYTYCD.

- How about Top Chef? I was kind of sad with the cut this week. Especially after she revealed that she was Psychic. I think a few more fun scenes could have come out of that little tidbit.

- This week in WTF news, I found this headline on CNN through their twitter feed. "VA Hospital May Have Infected 1800 Veterans With HIV." REALLY? Are you effing kidding me? Way to go, John Cochran VA Medical Center. Way to add another shovelful onto the steaming pile of crap that is the health/mental care we provide for our veterans in this country. Shameful.

- It feels so good to be back here and writing regularly again. We're getting a little break from Sam next week courtesy of his Grandma & Grandpa, and I am exited to spend part of that time writing.

- Oh, and this time, just one paragraph about poop instead of a whole post. As soon as that post was published, he started pooping! Of course. The new formula seems to be doing the trick and he is passing gas and pooping on his own now. Now, off to scour the web for deals, because that shit's expensive! Someone suggested Ebay and it looks like I can probably save $5-10 a can that way depending on the quantity I get. Now if I can just figure out how to get him to sleep during the day for more than 30 minutes at a time while I'm holding him...

Our King of Pop, Gone

After two hours of
driving, listening to news,
I am finally home

I surprise myself
by sitting in my car, as
the tears came, sudden.

I cried in earnest
for someone I didn't know
but felt like such loss

My peers have never
experienced this before
our King of Pop, gone

We were at the zoo, four Moms and seven kids (minus mine), and she suddenly said "I've got news". I looked over at her to see a shocked look on her face as she recited the text message from her husband - Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. I was shocked, we talked a little. When we got in the car to leave, we heard his music on the radio. In the car, my friend and I tried to remember last time the radio stations played a tribute - one song after the other by an artist. The last we could remember was Jerry Garcia, who died in 1995.

It took a while for it to sink in, as I made the drive from Seattle to Bellingham, I listened to CNN - Wolf Blitzer & Anderson Cooper. I was mostly okay, until Jermaine Jackson's statement. I stopped for coffee and by the time I got home, I found myself inexplicably bawling in my car in the driveway. Even as I write this post and listen to people talk about him, I almost can't comprehend it.

I just can't believe he's gone. I wish that I'd had some way to write down some of the things I heard on CNN on my drive. I absolutely mean no disrespect by this, but a thought went through my head comparing this to 9/11. Not because it's the same kind of tragedy at all, but because when I knew what happened I was unable to pull myself away, and all I wanted to know was what? Why did this happen? And it is an event that changes the world for my generation - what other icon can you think of the same age or younger than Michael Jackson that is such an integral part of the music of that generation?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and unfortunately Michael Jackson faced some big struggles with his legal battles. My personal belief is that he did have problems. Who doesn't? But I absolutely don't believe that he harmed any children. I believe that he had mental issues, probably because of his childhood and the dysfunction in his family. I believe that he probably did have inappropriate social relationships with kids, but not in the sense that he molested them or was attracted to them - in the sense that he somehow identified with them and felt comfortable with them. And that he wanted to give love to children because he did not feel loved as a child. It's really very sad, and I think that the lawsuits that were brought against him were probably about money more than anything.

Despite any opinions you might have about his personal life, there is no denying the indescribably impact he had on music and on the musical culture in our world...

"There's really no question if you're going to talk about the most looming, dominant figure in 20th century pop music," pop-music expert and USC associate professor Josh Kun tells E! News, "Michael Jackson is that person. He became synonymous with what pop was, and what it still is today." link

"I can't find the words right now to express how deeply saddened I am by Michael's passing," Justin Timberlake wrote. "We have lost a genius and a true ambassador of not only Pop music but of all music. He has been an inspiration to multiple generations and I will always cherish the moments I shared with him on stage and all of the things I learned about music from him and the time we spent together. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones."

"May God cover you Michael. We all lift your name up in prayer. I pray for the entire JACKSON family particularly Michael's mother, children and all his fans that loved him so much," Usher wrote in a statement released by his rep. "I would not be the artist, performer, and philanthropist I am today without the influence of Michael. I have great admiration and respect for Him and I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to meet and perform with such a great entertainer, who in so many ways, transcended the culture. He broke barriers, he changed radio formats! With music, he made it possible for people like Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama to impact the mainstream world. His legacy is unparalleled. Michael Jackson will never be forgotten."

Neil Portnow, president of the Recording Academy, which honored Jackson with 13 Grammys, says, "Rarely has the world received a gift with the magnitude of artistry, talent, and vision as Michael Jackson. He was a true musical icon." link

Beyoncé said: "This is such a tragic loss and a terrible day. The incomparable Michael Jackson has made a bigger impact on music than any other artist in the history of music. He was magic. He was what we all strive to be. He will always be the king of pop! Life is not about how many breaths you take, but about how many moments in life that take your breath away. For anyone who has ever seen, felt, or heard his art, we are all honored to have been alive in this generation to experience the magic of Michael Jackson. I love you Michael.”

Chairman and CEO of Sony Music Entertainment Tommy Mottola said "It’s the death of an American icon," the mogul tells USA TODAY. "There are three people that stand out in my mind -- Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. That's the triumvirate that sums up American popular culture, iconic people became worldwide figures with worldwide popularity in the music industry … He was "the single most talented person I’ve ever known. There was every aspect of creativity, as a performer -- from the early days with the Jackson Five and being biggest phenomenon in the world -- and as a songwriter, (he wrote) some of the most outstanding and memorable songs you ever will hear. His videos were groundbreaking -- he defined the video age. He was the person who married video and music more than any individual ever did or ever will …He was a rare and beautiful and gifted and extraordinarily talented person. ... I think the pressure of this quote on quote comeback was overwhelming to Michael, because it was being billed and staged as a comeback, and that’s incredible pressure. It's overwhelming."

Beginning in his childhood, and throughout his life, he was an artist that spanned race, culture and generations. His music, his lyrics, his unique style and voice, and his dancing were amazingly huge influences on artists that came after him. His death is being compared to Elvis & John Lennon, and I feel like those are valid comparisons. He was an amazing artist.

He was also a brother, a son, and a father, and for his family, as with any family who loses one of it's members, I am sad. There is a part of me that's confused by my response, and feeling so connected to the loss. After all, I'm not a superfan. I have some CDs, but I don't have them all and I wouldn't necessarily list him on a list of my favorite artists. But I also realize in hearing all the clips on the radio how much of his music I know, and that's somewhat remarkable.

In the end, I really just want to pay tribute to one of the greatest stars out there, someone who struggled in life and still managed to provide so many amazing things for this world and the people in it. Someone who contributed amazingly to everything from music to blending music styles to dance to music videos. Someone who can make you smile. Go ahead, I dare you to listen to this, and not to smile...



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Did Jenny McCarthy cure autism?

This week's theme for Heads or Tails Tuesday is to "Make any kind of post using "Point" as your prompt. You can point something out, get to the point, make a point, etc." I've had this post in the works for a while, I'm going to point my finger at Jenny McCarthy, and point out the good and bad parts of her latest book. I also want to make a few points about how her experience with her son's autism might differ from that of a "regular", average mother. So... let's get on to it!

I recently read Jenny McCarthy's book "Louder than Words." I was interested in reading the book for several reasons. One is that I had read her book "Life Laughs" for my book club, and in that book she talks a lot about her son's autism because during the time she was writing that book is when he was first getting diagnosed and treated. Another is that I know that McCarthy claims that her son's autism is cured, and that rubs some people the wrong way. I wanted to know if she really thought her son was cured, and hoped to get more insight into what things were like for her. I am also generally interested in autism. It's an interest I've had for a little while, and I am definitely curious about the increasing rates of autism. I've referred to it before as the "new ADD" - a few years back that was the big hot button thing that kids were getting diagnosed with. Now, I know that as soon as a kid doesn't start talking by the time they're two, they start to worry about autism.

McCarthy's journey into the world of autism began when her son Evan was only 2.5 years old. He had his first seizure and didn't ake up for 7 hours. He was misdiagnosed with febrile seizures (caused by a high fever) and discharged from the hospital before he could even walk on his own. After that, he started to have vertigo and horrible tantrums. Three weeks later, he had his second seizure. It threw him into cardiac arrest and he required CPR. He was having continuous seizures and was given valium for several days. After 5 days in the hospital, he was misdiagnosed with epilepsy. He was put on a seizure medication and the tantrums continued, accompanied by violent outbursts and screaming until he passed out. The next medication caused him to stop talking and he became a doped up zombie.

McCarthy talks a lot about her mother's instinct - how she felt, that she could tell the doctors were wrong, and that she felt connected to her son. This is the point in the story though where McCarthy's story diverges. It becomes tinted by the privledges she enjoys as someone who has money and who has connections and the ability to get care and attention that a normal mother probably wouldn't. She is able to get in to the top Neurologist in the world through a connection with her new agent. The neurologist diagnoses Evan with autism.

At this point, McCarthy realizes there were signs before, the things she thought were quirks were actually signs of autism and self stimulation behaviors - hand flapping, wheel spinning, fixation on escalators and memorizing and repeating words, but not coming up with original words on his own. The miraclulous connections continue to be made - McCarthy flies to New York to promote her new book, and the other guest on Regis & Kelly just happens to be Charlie Weis, one of the founders of Hannah & Friends, a nonprofit organization supporting people with special needs. Also around this time, McCarthy discovers "the window". She finds information online suggesting that there is a window of time where agressive treatment can pull a child out of autism. She also makes her first discoveries of alleged links between vaccines (specifically MMR) and autism.

At this point she starts her interventions with Evan's diet and takes gluten and casein out of his diet. The diet made a difference. Her son started to speak more, and when he was given dairy (by his father, while McCarthy wasn't there), he regressed. I agree that if it COULD help children with autism, behavioral issues, or disabilites, doctors should suggest altering a child's diet. Whether or not it cures anything is not an issue, but I believe that we don't think enough about what we're putting into our bodies. Why wouldn't you recommend something that could help, and which honestly in this world is getting easier and easier to maintain? I also think that we should ALL pay more attention tow hat we are putting into our bodies. There has already been a connection made between ADD/ADHD and food dyes/high fructose corn syrup. Eating more naturally is not going to hurt ANYONE, and it just might help something.

McCarthy believes that Evan was born with a weaker immune system and that because of that, the vaccine wreaked havoc in his body and his intestines couldn't process it what was going on. She is definitely in the camp of "vaccines cause autism". I don't believe that's true, however, I think it's unrealistic to say that there is no link there. McCarthy believes that it doesn't make sense to expect ONE vaccine formula to work and be safe for every single child, and that is something I CAN agree with. I don't have an expert opinion here, but it seems like perhaps if a child is heading towards autism already, or already has it, the vaccines can bump it along and make it worse. McCarthy believes that there whould be a test to see if a child's immune system is strong enough to handle the vaccines before they are given, and I can't argue with anything that is going to provide MORE safeguards/caution in treating our children.

Overall, I liked the amount of information McCarthy shared in this book. She gave some good ideas for things you could try. The problem is, for a regular parent of an autistic child, there are other parts of this that are just not feasible. McCarthy sees the BEST Neurologist, the BEST DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor, and the BEST Immune System doctor. That's just not an option for 'normal' people. Neither is self-funding autism treatment (such as the program at UCLA) that costs $75/hr ($2250/wk) , paying $150/hr for speech therapy ($4000/wk). Treatment for a preschooler with autism can easily run $50,000 a year. That's more money than many of us make in a year, and also explains why a lot of children with autism are just not able to get the care they should.

McCarthy also talks about God and her faith and her relationship with God. Which is great, however, I could see how that could be offputting for any parent reading this book that doesn't have the same faith. At the end, when McCarthy's son is "cured", I can see someone sitting there and thinking "well, why did God choose her son and not mine?". Talking about how much God did for you, or talking about how her motherly instinct helped her cure her son is a slippery slope. While it's good to have hope, and to try and stay positive, there's a fine line between being inspirational and making someone else feel like you are accusing them of being ignored by God or of not having enough motherly instinct or love for their child.

I don't believe McCarthy's son is cured of autism. I don't think that autism is something you can be cured from. He has been treated, and he is able to lead a more mainstreamed life because of it. However, I wonder where Evan would fall on the spectrum of autistic kids. It just seems like despire the hardships she faced, her story is much easier than most people's stories who are raising autistic children. I know that her son was not as low on the spectrum as Asperger's, but when I hear stories like Kelley's stories about her son, and raising him, it makes me wonder just how severe Evan's autism was in comparison to all the other autistic kids out there.

At the end of the book, McCarthy lists many things she believed would have helped her. I think this can be a good resource, because she points out things like educating yourself. She DOES point out in the end of the book that not all children with autism will be able to make leaps like her son did, but after reading an entire book about those leaps, it might be seen as a disclaimer or a passing thought. She states that when someone from the state came over to re-evaluate her son, they said "This isn't autism anymore. We have never seen a recovery like this. What happened?". It makes me very wary to think of people out there walking around saying "Well, Jenny McCarthy cured her son, why can't I/you do that?" when it just might not be realistic for some/most autistic kids.

This is just my opinion, and I don't have an autistic child, nor do any of my friends. I wanted to include at least a few thoughts from parents who DO. Firstly, there is Kelley of Magnetobold, whose son Boo is autistic. I remembered she had written this post about Jenny McCarthy last year, and here's some of what she had to say:

"So, Ms McCarthy, all the parents without ‘recovered’ kids (apparently Autism is like being hit by a bus, you recover and then you have a little boo boo - WTF!?!?!) just don’t have MOMMY INSTINCT. MI for short. I am sure she has trademarked that one.
OMG. I just don’t love my kid enough."

"My son was diagnosed with Classic Autism. Classic, no language, screaming day and night. I was told he would never have functional language or toilet train. I was told to take him home and love him.

He is now doing amazingly. Thanks to therapy. Thanks to hard freaking work. But he still has Autism. He will always have Autism.

He is not recovered. You cannot recover from something that is - in my view - an inherited neurological condition. Minimize the extreme behaivours, work on other issues. Some kids will respond to therapy, some will not. Regardless of how much MI ™ their mothers have. Regardless of how much they love their child."

I also pulled a couple of reviews from Amazon, but there are TONS more there to see if you're interested in what parents thought about this book.

Amazon - C. Magro says:

Jenny has NO idea on what it is like to be an average person with a child on the spectrum. Nannies, intensive intervention--we don't live in that world. We live in the world of waitlists, minimal services and fighting with public schools.

Amazon - Kate says:

I have a son diagnosed with autism and have read many books about it. This book was very offensive to me. The author has every right to try any therapy she thinks is helpful to her child but she has no right to judge parents who do not make the same choice. To describe mothers who do not use DAN doctors as huddling in a corner bemoaning their fate because their children aren't getting better is insulting. Treatments for autism are controversial and parents should make their own choices and leave other parents to do the same.

Amazon - Susan says:

I am a mother of a child with Autism. I am also a Developmental Specialist that works for my state's Early Intervention Program. This book made me sick to my stomach. It was offensive and rude. It was so judgemental to anyone who does not use non-mainstream treatment methods for their child. So much of the literature out there assumes that parents can afford any and all treatments for their child with ASD. Some parents have there hands tied with the financial burden of everyday life so much so that their only options for their child are those offered by their state's Early Intervention and public school system.

FINAL VERDICT: And, after having written all of this, I'm not sure who, if anyone, I would recommend this book to. It's a good read for someone like me who is interested in autism and reading various parents stories about dealing with it. It's interesting in that it describes in detail what her son went through, and I think there are a lot of people out there who don't know what kind of physical medical issues go along with the mental aspects of autism. There are some good suggestions about kinds of therapies and health things to look into for parents of autistic kids, and a couple of book suggestions. But all in all, I don't know how helpful the book would be to a parent of a newly diagnosed autistic kid. I feel like the chances for making people 1. feel like a failure or 2. have false hope are pretty high with this one.

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