I don't want to go back.
But there is something about it. Something about watching a young couple in love. About looking at a young girl and a young attractive man next to each other, holding hands, new love in the air.
I still remember the days of freedom. The days of dating, of making eye contact with THAT GUY, of flirting. Of a first brush of hand on hand, that first touch of lips on lips. It stirs up a longing so deep it almost hurts.
Is it a true desire, or is it just the way one feels when looking back at something they know they can never have again?
I don't want to go back.
I love my family, my husband, my beautiful son. The life I have created for myself is a happy one.
But I still remember the days of freedom. The days of time with a boyfriend or fiance when a child was not in the picture and we could do whatever we pleased. The sleeping in. Being responsible for only ourselves and being able to change our minds at a moments notice.
I wouldn't give up what I have now, but I wonder if it will always be this way. Will I always remember so clearly and deeply? Will I always wake up from dreams of people of my past, feeling the way I felt, and have this small part of me wishing that I was there? Is this just... life?
