I know I said I wouldn't be around for a while, but since it's 5:45 in the morning and I'm up anyway, I thought I'd drop by. It hasn't been a great first night for me and Sam on our own. Everything was okay until about 1:00 AM when he woke up crying. I gave him a bottle and brought him into my bed, but he's been sleeping really restlessly and tossing and turning since then. He woke up soaked through his diaper (also leaving a wonderful large wet spot on my bed) about 20 minutes ago. I changed his diaper and jammies, which he of course did not like, and put him in his crib. He just stopped crying, so hopefully he's back asleep and I can get back to bed soon. Unfortunately it's harder for me to go back to sleep than it is for him. Sigh...
I'm looking forward to the next two nights. This afternoon Sam is going over to his Grandma Deanna's, and he's coming home on Sunday sometime. With Justin gone, this means I will have the house all to myself. I haven't had that since before Sam was born, and a while before that. What will I do with myself? :-) I am planning on going to see at least a couple of movies - I'm still hoping to see a bunch of the Oscar nominations before the awards later this month. I think it will be a really good way to start the next 11-14 days of not having Justin around. I need to relax - I've been somewhat stressed about Justin leaving for a while, and I think that having Sam away for a little bit will let me get all energized back up.
It's funny - Sam stays away with his Grandma periodically, and has stayed with babysitters a bunch of times, and I don't feel guilt or the urge to check up on him constantly. I am not nervous about leaving him with other people since we kind of got him used to it early on, and I am confident he'll be okay. I never really felt that horrible pulling that people seem to always feel when they leave their baby with someone else. I have a theory that it's because I spend 24/7 with him and I am not worried that I'm going to damage him by being away from him. And of course, leaving him with people I totally trust makes it easier.
I had one of those moments leaving Brooke and Dave's house last night. I was carrying Sam out to the car and talking to him, and I had a "I can't believe that I have a baby" moments. Even though Sam is 9 months old today, I still have times where I can't believe that I actually have a child. Does that ever end? Or does it just turn into "I can't believe my kid is 5 - 10 - 20 etc"? I suspect the latter. How am I really raising this little person? It's crazy. But I think I'm doing pretty well so far since he is so happy all the time.
Well, he's definitely back asleep now, so I'm going back to bed. Hopefully I'll get a good three hour block in here... maybe four if I'm lucky, but I'm not counting on it. Cross your fingers for me!
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