With everything that's been going on this week, I obviously have not been feeling very happy. Well, combine all of that with trying to go clothes shopping and you have a perfect mixture for 'feel like crap about yourself' juice.
Yesterday on the way home from my last day at my old job, I realized I don't have anything to wear to interviews (I actually have one this week). I stopped at the outlet mall because they have a Lane Bryant outlet and a Dress Barn, and I've had success buying dresses there before that fit really well.
First of all, let's point out the reason that I don't have anything to wear to an interview. Because the last time I interviewed I was about 50 pounds lighter. Even if I had those clothes around, they wouldn't even be CLOSE to fitting me.
Shopping when you weight 270 pounds sucks. Right now I am a size 26 or 28 in pants, depending on the style. I'm a 22/24 in shirts at Lane Bryant, but sometimes a 26/28 at other stores, or sometimes a 3x depending on how the sizing is. It's embarrassing. Not only is it embarassing, but it highly limits your choice of stores. So, you end up at Lane Bryant. Target has good plus size clothes, but a very limited selection in stores. K-Mart has a larger plus size section, and both are WAY cheaper than Lane Bryant, which becomes handy when you become poor. Kohl's also has a fairly large plus size section.
In any case, I go to Dress Barn and realize their sizes only go up to 2x or 22/24. They have a TON of cute shirts, but about 95% of them are 3/4 length sleeves, which seems to be the style. I can't buy those. I have tattoos on my wrists, and I need them covered up, at least for the initial interview. So, I find a jacket I like but the sleeves are too short. I don't buy anything and decide to go over to LB to see what they have and actually try stuff on. I get there, and pick out a bunch of pants. Several pairs of size 26 pants in different styles are TOO TIGHT. I finally find one that has an elasticy waist but is a slack. I buy it in size 24, which fits better. So, I have pants. I try on a bunch of shirts. They make me look enormous. I hate them. I buy the pants and a short sleeved shirt that I can't wear to the interview but really like and feel I deserve after the week I've had. I go back to dress barn and try on a few shirts. Most of them are too small. I find an orangish sweater that looks good with the pants. I'm not sure about the fit, but I buy it anyway just in case.
It took me TWO HOURS to find one shirt that I'm unsure about and one pair of pants.
I'm still going to go to Kohl's and the retail LB this week. I might end up returning the sweater. It's just so hard to shop like this. It just reminds me of how fat I am. To tell you the truth, I fear not getting hired because they will think I'm too fat and gross. But I try not to think about that.