The Breakup

Dear 2008,

I'm sorry to do this when we've been together so long, but I think it's time to end this relationship.  Before you get all defensive, I assure you that it's NOT just because I am suffering from this horrible flu and my kid hasn't slept more than 3 hours at a stretch for several days.  Really, it's not.  In fact, I had decided to end it last week, before this even happened.

It's just not working out.  It's not that you're not a good year, but I don't think our relationship is healthy.  I can't just keep holding on to you when you haven't brought me much luck.

I'm not saying it was all bad.  We had a great time together in June when my Mom got married, and in August when Sati got married.  I had a couple of good trips to New Jersey, and we definitely enjoy being back in Bellingham.  But sometimes, the good things just aren't enough to overshadow the flaws.

I know you.  I know you'll want to know why I'm doing this, and I'll tell you, but it might be hard to read.  We both should have known that this relationship wasn't meant to last when the first experience we shared was my husband losing his super awesome job that we'd become accustomed to and spoiled by.  If that had been it, bygones could be bygones.  But then...

>My Dad got arrested for a DUI and the end of his marriage was imminent.  For the last 7 months I've watched my Dad and Stepmom's relationship fall apart, my heart aching for both of them and my 10 year old sister and all they are experiencing right now, and the fact that I can't do much to help right now.

Then Sam turned two and he still wasn't talking.  We worried about him, we got him evaluated, he was behind.  That was a lot of stress on Justin and I, even if you didn't see it.  

My father-in-law's Parkinsons became worse and worse.  It became apparent over the months that our plan of moving into the house Justin grew up in was not to be.  Now we're living in a rental unsure of where we will go after this.

We can't afford to buy a house because we make so little money, and because of another event I've shared with you, 2008.  That would be our bankruptcy.  We've filed and our hearing is in a few weeks.  We struggle financially.  We were doing okay until last month, I also lost my job.  My job that fit perfectly into our lives.

Now I'm struggling with the idea of going to work full time.  I don't want it - I know that you might say I'm lucky I've been able to spend the last 2.5 years home with Sam, but I hate the idea of putting him in daycare full time.

My sister moved back to Seattle, and I miss her.

Last week, three people I know, directly or by association died, and I found out about all three on the same day.

This week, I found out that my father-in-law has moved to a retirement/assisted living community.  Because of his Parkinson's and it's progression, he's no longer able to live on his own and will most likely have to sell his house - the one he built with his own hands, that my husband grew up in, that we were planning on living in someday.

It's just too much.  I'm afraid I just can't stand to stay in any kind of relationship with you and your negativity.  I know you've got others - people who have had a great year.  So, you can run off and be with them, and hopefully they'll comfort you.

I know that you think you still have something for me, that you think our relationship still has hope.  I suspect that next week you'll try to win me back with this election.  But it's too little too late.  After all, if Obama is elected, he won't ACTUALLY be the president until 2009, right?!  Nice try, but no cigar.

I'll always remember you, but it wasn't meant to be.

Rachael

PS  If you get spiteful because of this and try to put John McCain in the White House, I will hunt you down, I swear.