Week 21: 1 average 2 year old, 3 one gallon jugs of water, 8 human brains, 100 sticks of butter

Current Weight:  224.2
+/-  this week:  -0.8
+/- this round:   -25.6 (25 pounds)
+/- total:    -43.7
Current Short Term Goal:  217 (50 pounds lighter)

What do all those things have in common?  They all weigh about 25 pounds, which is how much I have lost as of this week!  I got my 25 pound charm today.

This week I did a lot better.  I used all my weekly points, but I didn't go over.  I got 50 activity points, just from all the walking I did, plus some serious housework.  Justin is out of town for the week, AND we have visitors coming from out of town, so I needed to get everything cleaned up to avoid unnecessary anxiety.  I always think about starting to do some more high impact exercise, but walking works so well for me with my schedule.
One of my best friends is on a new lifestyle plan for eating/exercise and she started a blog.  Reading through her plan, and seeing her 15 pounds lost in 6 weeks, I felt something weird along with being proud of her.  I'm certainly not happy or proud to admit that it was jealousy.  Sometimes I have trouble accepting that I'm doing a good job.  Even now, after 21 weeks, subconsciously I'm scared I won't make it, that this should be happening faster, or that I'll stop my progress.

I look at what other people do, like exercising every day in the morning before their kids get up (which isn't feasible for me when Danny gets up at 5:30 am because... really?  No.  Maybe if he starts sleeping until 6:30 or 7), and I wish that I was doing that.  Or that I could make myself do it.  I see people giving up processed foods and eating healthier and I feel jealous that I can't seem to do that.  At the same time, I realize that putting unrealistic expectations on yourself is just going to lead to failure, and giving up sugar and wheat is not something that's probably EVER going to happen for me.  The whole point of Weight Watchers is that you don't HAVE to deprive yourself.  I know from experience that if I try to give up things I want, I will cheat and fail.

I hate that I had those feelings.  In my rational brain, I know these thoughts are useless and ridiculous.  But somehow I still have this fear of failure, this fear that someone else I know will surpass my weight loss and then I'll feel like they're better than me.  It is such a battle sometimes to even try to be proud of our own accomplishments, and to stop comparing ourselves to anyone else.  My journey is just that - MY journey.  Would it be healthier not to eat as much processed food?  Certainly.  But I am on the plan I'm on for a reason, and it's working for me.  Other plans work for other people, and that's okay.

On a more positive note, I noticed another benefit to my weight loss yesterday.  We went down to the tulip festival in Mt. Vernon and I (of course) took my camera.  I needed to squat down to get some of the photos I wanted - close ups and angled up shots.  And I can squat down, stay that way for a minute, and stand back up without touching anything or putting my hand on the ground.  I didn't used to be able to do that.  I also went to the store today and tried on pairs of size 20 jeans from two different pants that fit completely comfortably, which means I've gone down a pants size.  It's little things like that that help me realize how much I HAVE changed.
Starting Weight 1 (Feb 2009):  267 lbs
Starting Weight 2 (Dec 2011):  249.8 lbs
Starting BMI:  41.8

Weight Lost:  43.7 lbs
Goal Weight: 160 lbs
Goal BMI:  25.1

Short Term Goal 1: 237.8 (5%) - Met 1/24/12
Short Term Goal 2: 225.8 (10%) - Met 4/10/12
Short Term Goal 3:  217 (50 pounds down)
Short Term Goal 4: 213.5 (50% of final goal)
Short Term Goal 5:  207 (60 pounds down)
Short Term Goal 6: 199.9 (under 200 for the first time in 7+ years)
Short Term Goal 7: 192 (75 pounds down)
Short Term Goal 8: 189.8 (25% & no longer "obese")

Long Term Goal: 160 lbs
Total to Lose:  107 lbs
To Go: 64.2 lbs