Chase it Down

It is palpable.

It is alive.

I can feel it crawling from within me, creeping electricity over my skin, tingling and sharp.

Today the anger is so strong that I feel on the verge of losing control.

I want to run.

I want to escape this heaviness of responsibilities, of worry and counting only on myself.

Right now love is overshadowed by this white hot blistering, and I don't care anymore.

I don't want to be around the boy, because I don't want him to see me this way. I don't want him to think that I'm angry at him. I don't want him to take my anger on and have to bear it.

I don't want to be around him either. I almost can't stand to look at him, to try and have a coherent conversation at this point is so completely futile that I don't even want to try.

I drive.

I smoke. I admit it, I light up and try to puff this stress out the window into the chilled air as I drive on into evening.

It doesn't matter where I'm going.

This burning trickle that's taking me over requires aloneness.

But it can't last long.

I mustn't show it.

Before I can take a step, before I set foot before foot to return to the world of home, the reality of family, I must sweep this away.

Somehow I must pull the strength to act as aloe to my burn, I must push all of this inside so deep that no one sees it.

I chase the anger down with loud music and slow breaths.

I park and ready myself...

and I am home.

PS I wrote this a while ago, and was waiting for the "right time" to have an opening for it because I really wanted to share. I am not angry about anything right now :-)