I Want It

I have gone back and
forth, over and over, no
decisions have come

It's not the same this
time around, desperation
is absent this time

I cuddle a new
baby in my arms, I smell
her baby smell, sweet

My heart does not ache.
Also gone is the fear, the
thought that my strength lacks

Two would be too much,
in the past year my head and
heart have assured me

Things have changed now, though.
We are settling and calming,
new home and new future

I realized this
week, I want you, I will seek
you, my number two

I feel it now, and I don't know the road ahead. Last time, it was hard. Two years and four inseminations before I was blessed. What will it be this time? 15 pounds lighter, thyroid healthier, PCOS being treated, hormones on a better course, healthier. Will it make a difference? No way to know. I have been unsure, what we could handle, what Sam could handle. He is older now. We are in a different situation now. It's not like last time, I am not desperate or longing. It's not frantic, but a solid thought in my mind. I want to be pregnant again. Wish me luck, and pray for a shorter and easier road this time around.

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