Project Runway LA - Week 2: Bowling Ball Bags, Chicken Eggs & Lingerie

This episode made me laugh right from the get-go, I thought it was funny when Althea called it a 'wake up call' that Ari was gone, and said she didn't really expect her to go home. Did she SEE her 'dress'? I am certainly glad Mitchell didn't go home, I do think that he deserved to stay because if his measurements for his model hadn't been so off, I think his dress would have been very cool and shown a lot of workmanship.

Heidi appeared and announced that they would be designing for a real supermodel, who also has a TV show and then reveals that it is a very pregnant Rebecca Romijn. The idea of designing maternity wear seemed like a pretty big shock for a few of the designers.

Challenge: Create a form fitting maternity outfit for any type of event for Rebecca Romijn.

The designers headed up to meet Tim, and they discovered that there were fake pregnant bellies for their models. Ha. So funny. The contestants didn't even seem to know where to attach the prosthetic bellies to their design dummies. They were given a budget of $100 and 2 days to create their looks.

Logan, 25, said he is scared by babies. Then they went shopping. Shirin decided to make a dress and coat, and hoped that she'd stand out since most of the others were making just dresses. I immediately wondered if she'd be able to get it all done.

Althea's idea of a ribbon bodice with a jersey bottom sounded good and I hoped she would be able to pull it off. I also thought that Louise's 1920s style dress design looked like it could be cute. Malvin decided to make some sort of egg dress. That certainly sounded... interesting.

When Mitchell started walking around with his enormous shorts, it was pretty hilarious. I love when we get to see into those silly moments that must inevitably happen when a dozen people are working long hours in a confined space.

Ra'mon seemed to be having a lot of confidence issues. He needed to be a little more sure of himself. When Tim came up to check in on the dresses, he clearly didn't enjoy Malvin's egg dress. He called it interesting. All I know is that when my husband says that, it means he thinks it's ugly. Then Mitchell told Ra'mon that his dress looks like a bowling bag. This episode had me cracking up.

When the models came in for the fitting, they all thought the prosthetic bellies were pretty hilarious. I would assume most of them did not have any experience with being pregnant, as far as we heard only one of them had a child. I noticed that Jonny was strangely absent until they showed his hideous flowered white jacket, or as Qristyl said, "Rebecca Romijn isn't going to wear that, she wouldn't even dust with that."

On the second morning Malvin revealed that he was having a few doubts about his freaky egg dress. Mitchell is having some problems with his giant shorts. Ra'mon seemed to thinkn everyone else in the whole place was playing it safe except for him. When Mitchell put the shorts on his model they didn't look too great.

Everyone seemed to be coming down to it on time for this challenge. They were all still doing a lot of work on the second day, and a lot of them seemed to still be working when he called them out to the runway.

Monique Lhuillier was filling in for Michael Kors on this episode. Nina and Heidi were there of course, and of course Rebecca was a judge.

Logan's look was okay, Shirin's was beautiful. The coat was really cool, loved the lining. Nicolas's dress was all right. Christopher's outfit was really pretty, could be versatile for different events. Mitchell's outfit was actually cute, it looked like skorts though. Qristyl's dress was pretty, Epperson's outfit? My first thought: Eh. Then the coat came off, and just no. No. It wasn't bad enough to land him in the bottom three, but I can't imagine seeing anyone wearing it. Louise's dress was very cute, the layering definitely added to it and made it look more like a dress. Gordana's shirt and pants were cute. Jonny's dress turned out very pretty & sophisticated. Malvin's? No. Where would she wear that? Nowhere I think. Ra'Mon's dress didn't do anything for me either, that dark stripe down the front was not flattering in any way. Carol Hannah's dress was okay, I didn't care for the jacket, but liked the draping on the dress. Althea's dress sounded better conceptually for me. Irina's dress was cute, kind of plain, but looked like the perfect thing to wear to a baby shower.

I was happy to see that Jonny's ugly ass coat did not go down the runway, I think that was definitely a good decision on his part. I predicted the bottom three correctly - Ra'mon came first with sloppy looking construction and a confusing look. Rebecca totally said it looked like a bowling ball bag, exactly what Mitchell said! Malvin was the second to be in the bottom three with his 'mother hen and egg' outfit. Nina found the sling part disturbing. They agreed the outfit looked like she'd already had the baby & was carrying it. The judges thought Malvin's outfit was bizarre. Mitchell's outfit was conceptually good, but they definitely noticed teh shorts problem. They could see the belly band, the shorts were too short, and teh shirt was too tight. His problem was totally execution. Rebecca said she would wear it if the shorts were well done she'd wear them, and Heidi said they looked like she'd sewn them herself - and she doesn't sew.

Louise was the first in the top three with her tiered skirt. Her dress was good because it would be able to adjust as the belly and body grew and changed. It was also very well executed and didn't look like it had just been made over a day and a half. Althea was in the top three as well, her tailoring was clean and it was elegant. Shirin's dress was in the top three, absolutely gorgeous. I loved the coat, and she did a very cool stitch on the waistband, unique and simple. They all agreed that Shirin's outfit was the most wearable. You can see all of this week's runway looks at Lifetime.com here.

In the end, Shirin won the challenge with her dress & coat combination,

and Malvin was sent home for his egg creation.


Heidi said that truthfully, it was just 'too bizarre.'

Next week, the designers tackle working in pairs.

Top Chef Las Vegas: Week 2 - Tofu Gazpacho?

The show starts out with the people who were in the bottom. Eve says she's not sure whether she should try to appease the judges or just cook her own style & hope for the best. Really? The judges DECIDE YOUR FATE. So I'd say you should probably take them into consideration.

When they enter the kitchen, there is Todd English and a craps table.

Quickfire Challenge

Roll the dice & create a dish with the same number of ingredients (salt, pepper & oil are freebies).

Cool. Again, whoever wins gets the nice little bonus of $15,000. Man, I'd be happy to go on the show just to get that! Ha. Kevin rolls a 10 and doesn't seem too happy about it. Laurine rolls a 3, the lowest number.

I was happy that Jesse was smart enough to realize butter in the pan would have been an extra ingredient, I've seen that kind of mistake before and it sucks. Unfortunately, she was still in the bottom of the challenge, he said they needed a sear on the scallops. Eve and Bryan also ended up in the bottom.

Michael's crazy cooked gazpacho ended up in the top, as did Jennifer & Kevin! I was glad that Kevin was in the top since he was so unsure about cooking with so many ingredients. In the end, Michael won the quickfire.

Elimination Challenge

Battle of the Sexes: Women will cater a bachelor party, and the men will cater for the bachelorette party.

No one on the winning team will be eligible for elimination. One of the contestants said that she was annoyed by the 'battle of the sexes' concept. I don't know why. The teams and pairing are always random/arbitrary, so what does it matter that for this time they did boys vs. girls? I don't get it.

Each team has to make at least 2 dishes to match up with each of the couple's favorite shots, so a minimum of six.

Hector decides to make a dish with Tofu and Ashley decides that she has time to make a second dish, and chooses to do a sweet dish.

Ashley is pissed off because they're doing a wedding themed challenge when at least three of the contestants are not allowed to participate in that institution. I get it. I get that it sucks, but as a chef this is the kind of thing you might have to do. You're also most likely going to have to cook meat if you're a vegetarian. I understand that it's upsetting to her, but I also wonder if she refuses to attend wedding of her friends etc. She was just letting her feelings get too out of control when she needed to focus on the challenge. I am totally for gay marriage, I don't see why it's any different. But I also think there is nothing wrong with people getting married who are currently able to.

They have an hour to set up poolside, what a great location. Eve starts having trouble with her dish lacking flavor during set up/prep. Laurine says she thinks the boys' food is "contrived" and that the girls have stayed with more familiar flavors. Ashley is still talking about how being gay is making this challenge hard.

The judges notice Eve's ceviche right away - too fishy, no flavor. But the guys love the octopus. They didn't like Ashley's weird bay leaf panna cotta either. In fact, it didn't seem the girl's dishes were all that successful overall.

The guys dishes seemed to pass a little bitter, perhaps they got the pairing part better than the girls did? They thought the tofu ceviche was actually good, which is great because I wasn't sure about that one. They liked the meringue. In the end I felt the guys definitely did better, but not all of their dishes were winners either.

Then the guys all jumped in the pool, which I thought was a little weird because... itw as in the middle of a party? That wasn't for them? It was just odd.

Judges Table

The judges call in four chefs from the guys team first. They announce that the boys won the challenge, and Eli, Bryan, Hector & Michael are competing for the win. They kept calling Bryan's meringue a macaroon, which totally annoyed me. Those are REALLY different things. In the end, brothers Michael and Bryan came head to head, and Bryan won.

Padma asks them to send back Eve, Jesse, Preeti & Ashley. Jesse's dish was wattery and not gingery enough. Eve's said she wanted to do Mexican spice & flavors, but her dish failed because the salsa was too strong, and the shrimp didn't taste like anything. Preeti was happy with her dish, but Tom said it was overcured. They asked her why she included the shiso leaves when they were pretty much wilting immediately. Ashley made it sound like the team made the decision to make a second dish, when in reality she decided to do it on her own. Unfortunately they actually liked her watermelon dish, but not the panna cotta.

The judges talked about how Eve just didn't seem to know what she was doing or where she was going - seemed like she was just throwing things together and hoping it would work out, which sort of goes along with her comments at the beginning of the show about not knowing which direction to go.

In the end, it's Eve who has to pack her knives and go.

The First Time

It is 3:58 am on a Sunday morning when I get my first call from the ER. With a name on a piece of paper, I drive.

The road is dark, and there is no sign of summer's warmth. I feel nervous, but determined. I turn off the music and I pray.

Give me strength and intuition. Let me help. Please keep her safe, and help her remember her value. Guide me with instinct to know how to be the best support.

I walk through the ER alone, reading numbers. Her room is dark, and when I enter, she is sleeping. She looks small in this one size bed, and I don't want to wake her.

She doesn't know who I am or why I've come, but she tells me she is heartsick. I know she feels helpless, betrayed, and afraid. I cringe inside as I hear the hardest though - self blame, stupidity, I should have known.

I believe her when she says she will never call the police again, and it makes me want to cry out with reason and anguish and compassion.

I leave her with information, a phone number, and hopefully some glimmer of support and understanding. It's hard to tell, but I think I've made a difference, even if it was very, very small.

As I approach my car in the cool morning air, 45 minutes have passed. I suddenly realize that my body is fighting between bursting into tears and vomiting. In the end, I do neither and drive home in silence. Her words echo, and now it is I who feels heartsick.

As I drive home, I wonder how I will be able to sleep again. Clouds are becoming visible as the sun's glow precedes it on the horizon. A new day is dawning, and I thank God for all of my blessings.

Project Runway Welcomes you to LA

Soooo... I know I just started a new feature last week with the journal entries/letters. But something happened and I am away from home because I got the chance to come visit my BFF Violet overnight, so instead I present my 1st Project Runway recap of the season!

I am so excited that Project Runway and Top Chef BOTH came back last week! This season brings some major changes on PR - a move to Los Angeles and a move from Bravo to Lifetime. I feel like Lifetime got pretty lucky on this one. The show is also paired with "Models of the Runway", a reality show about the lives of the models who "compete" on the show. It was on after PR, but I didn't watch because I don't really get how it's going to be that interesting.

So, here are my first impressions of each contestant...

Ra'mon from Minneapolis seems very interesting, and quite smart.

Logan from Seattle is cute, and perhaps a bit cocky.

Jonny is a recovering meth addict.

Gordana is from Charleston and is foreign.

Malvin proclaims himself as androgynous. Really Malvin? I just CAN'T BELIEVE that people would say that about you...

Carol Hanna's name is too long, but her description of her style as "pixie meets cocktail party" has me interested.

Qrystal. I don't have much to say about her yet because I was totally distracted by her name and it's spelling.

Shirin is gorgeous. She likes something, but all I wrote down is 'likes'. I guess she was too pretty for me to pay enough attention.

Nicolas is from NY, NY and apparently had a dress on the cover of Vogue.

Mitchell is from Savannah.

Epperson just has one name (like Madonna) and is 49 years old. He has children older than some of the other contestants.

Christopher is from Shakopee, which makes me think of the movie 'Cars' and the lost mini-vans.

Ari is from Mars Kansas City, MO.

Althea from Dayton interned at Vivianne Westwood and I can't decide if she is cocky or just confident.

Irina is also from NY.

Louise likes vintage and I liked the snapshots they showed of her work.

Of course we already know Heidi & Tim.

Challenge: Create a Red Carpet look that is innovative and represents your point of view.

They were preassigned models for this challenge, so they won't make choices on that until next week.

I noticed Christopher's sketches because they are totally adorable with little cute heads. If he fails as a designer maybe he can do something with those.

Ari pronounces that she 'doesn't sketch' and apparently waits for the garment to speak to her from the nothingness in which it resides. Also, her outfit makes me want to stick a fork in my eye.

Jonny breaks down a few minutes in to the first challenge and Tim has to give him a 'you beat drugs, you can make clothes' pep talk. Really? I'm not sure how good his chances are if he's cracking under pressure in the first episode... but he goes on to create one of the better looks this week, so maybe I'm wrong. I like it how Tim is like their psuedo dad while they're on the show. I totally want to hang out with him.

Speaking of which, there is a 'Make it Work' sweepstakes you can enter on the Lifetime site and the prize is a trip to NY for lunch w/Tim Gunn. SO entering!

As we get to know the designers, we find out that Christopher is not formally trained. As in, he has no schooling in design, and we will get to watch that play out as a theme this season as he tries to figure out what everyone is talking about.

As Ari designs her 'dress' Tim comes in and says it looks like a diaper, and I think it looks like a plush soccer ball from space. She wears another ridiculous outfit that I hate.

The guest judge this week was Lindsay Lohan. I get that she has 'a line' or whatever, but really? I wouldn't consider her one of the top people to judge good fashion after all the photos that have been taken of her in... less than desirable threads.

The models come out and walk. You can see photos of each design here, rate the design to automatically be taken to the next one. Basically, Althea did Old Holly wood. I didn't get Gordana or Malvin's dresses. Mitchell, who was forced to send a practically nude model down the runway in a see-through piece of fabric after his model's measurements were off by "5 inches", did better than I thought he would with what he had. I liked the skirt on Louise's dress and I thought Christopher's dress was cute. Ra'mon, Epperson & Jonny had the best dresses in my opinion. They were the most believable as red carpet ready for me. I liked Shirin's dress and LOVED Irinas, I thought it was gorgeous. Ari's dress? All I could think was "Hell No." Carol Hanna's dress didn't appeal to me, but it wasn't bad. Qrystal? No. Nicolas was a maybe for me, and Logan's was just Eh.

In the end, Ra'mon, Jonny & Christopher were the top three, and Christopher proved that formal training isn't everything when he won the first challenge.

The bottom three were Qrystal, Ari & Mitchell. For Mitchell, it was bad luck. For Qrystal... well, Michael Kors called her dress 'schizo' and like 'two different dresses stitched together.' As for Ari? He called her dress a disco soccerball, and I totally agreed with Lindsay Lohan (!) when she said that designers need to have an awareness of what is acceptable & appropriate. In the end, I rejoiced at never having to see another one of Ari's outfits when she was eliminated.

What was your favorite look this week?

Top Chef Las Vegas: Week 1 - Wolfgang Puck chucks a donut

Top Chef is back! Woot! I am so excited that Project Runway & Top Chef are both back, I love both. I'm going to try to keep up with my weekly recaps. I know I blew it on the last 3 weeks of SYTYCD this year, but unless we move again (NEVER), that problem shouldn't happen again! So, this season we're in Las Vegas, and according to the intro, we've got some very talented chefs... and a pair of brothers? We-eird.

First we meet Kevin. Aka Beardy. Followed his dreams away from MIT to chefhood. Next we meet Preeti, who totally reminds me of a woman I used to work with, and Ron from Haiti. Then come Eve from Michigan, Mattin from France (cute!), and Eli from Atlanta, self-proclaimed Fat Kid. Ash from New York is also cute, and apparently the only gay guy on the show this season. Jesse with the awful lip piercing is next, then Jennifer who refuses to unpack because she's superstitious. She has a 3 year old, so that is cool. Another Jennifer from PA and Bryan from MD. Aaaand... his brother Michael. Next we meet Mike from L.A., and Ashley. Later, at the kitchen, we meet Hector, Robin, Laurine.

They take off to the M Hotel Resort & Casino where their LV Top Chef Kitchen is. Tom & Padma are there, yay! So glad they're back. I totally want to hang out with Tom Coliccio.

Quickfire Challenge

Teams of 4 compete in a Mise en Place relay race.

Then some red sparkly Las Vegas showgirls walk in. Why? I don't know. They draw poker chips to determine their teams. Robin draws the gold chip and doesn't have to compete and gets immunity for the elimination challenge! Sweet chip.

They start with the clams, and unfortunately Preeti has no idea what she's doing and got stuck with that task. The teams varied so widely in their time, blue and black lead and green and red are lagging. While two teams are on their final leg, Preeti is STILL trying to shuck the clams.

Winning Team Competes Head to Head

Padma announces that the winning team will have to compete against each other in a cook off and they are competing for a $15,000 chip. It's a little crazy that all this is coming out in the first episode, it makes me wonder what they're going to pull out later in the season and also makes me wonder if this season is going to be full of stunts. I like Top Chef because I like watching them cook, I guess having higher stakes ups the ante, but I'd rather have it simple I think.

Mike is a jerk. I've decided that by now as he calls Robin "one less old lady I have to worry about" AND has already said he should be able to beat a girl while shucking clams.

Ryan made caramelized celery. That is so nasty. Tom liked it.

Jen won the quickfire, immunity and $15,000.

Elimination Challenge

Create a dish based on a personal vice. Each group will cook against each other, and one person from each group will be up for challenge and one for elimination.

Robin is allowed to choose her team, she chose blue, the winning team. And the first guest judge this season is Wolfgang Puck. Wow! In Whole Foods, Mike shows his winning personality again. Ron reveals that he came to the U.S. on a raft and it took 27 days. I just can't even imagine. At all.

After shopping, the chefs head for the kitchen at Cut, Wolfgang Puck's restaurant in Vegas. Laurine is making BACON DONUTS. I am in love. I'm starting to pick out who I think I'll be rooting for, and Ron is definitely making the list so far. I'm also liking Kevin so far, there is something about his fluffy beard that makes me like him.

Mike's vice is hot temper & foul mouth. Eli's was arrogance, drinking, and bitterness/being jaded. Ashley loves red wine & bourbon. Hector's is cigars. You can learn a lot from people in this challenge, huh? They judges did not like Hector's fried steak. They did like Mike's dish. Boo.

Second group comes up, and Bryan's vice is bourbon & a cigar. Mattin is stubborn. Jennifer's is alcohol, and her dish wasn't pretty to me. Jesse's vices are whiskey & excess. Robin says her vice is pork. She told them something was missing from the plate, and I'm not sure that's ever a good idea. Sometimes the dish flies without it, and why reveal your mistake? Wolfgang Puck provides perhaps my favorite quote of the night: "Everybody has to put purees underneath everything right now. It's like people think we need the steak and then we need some baby food with it." Ha. Jesse's dry chicken may be her downfall and the judges didn't think that Mattin's dish revealed anything about him.

Third group is on. Ash's vice was procrastination. Jen Z is hot tempered. I don't really know why she decided to use seitan. It's not a great food in my opinion and it seems like it would be hard to make it good enough to try and represent yourself to the judges for the first time. I was a little confused about how Ron's dish represented his vice, I guess his vice was just not letting go of the trip fron Haiti to the US. Laurine's dish comes last - her vices? Bacon, donuts, chocolate & beer. The judges didn't really get Ron's dish in relation to the challenge. They did not like Jen's chile relleno. Wolfgang Puck did not care for the donuts, but he liked the sauce. I totally enjoyed watching Wolfgang Puck chuck a donut.

The last group comes out, and presents their dishes. Michael V comes out with maybe not a personal vice (but probably, I mean hey, guys like boobies, right) and represents plastic surgery etc. RACK! Haha. Preeti's vice is a Maker's Mark Manhattan. Eve wishes she was less complicated. Her plate looked like a rainbow. Kevin's vice was procrastination. They liked Kevin's dish, Eve's dish was unbalanced. They thought Michael's dish was amusing, and Wolfgang said he was clearly a professional.

Ron, Kevin, Jennifer & Mike the Man were the best of their groups. The winner of the challenge? Kevin! Yay beardy!

Hector, Jen, Eve & Jesse were the bottom four.

In the end, Jen's seitan sends her home. Well, at least her 3 year old gets his Mama back, right?

And later this season things involve fire, pans and a casino table. And PENN & TELLER - wooo! Love 'em.

Life Goals

I've been thinking lately about my "life list", and thinking about compiling a long, ongoing 'to-do' list of sorts filled with all the things I want to do in my life. So, for Thursday Thirteen today, here are 13 I've thought of so far!

13 Things I Want to Do This Lifetime

1. Take horseback riding lessons, and eventually own a horse.
2. Learn Spanish.
3. Bake a perfect souffle.
4. Finish a novel and have it published.
5. Visit Australia.
6. Train a dog.
7. Re-learn to play the piano.
8. Run a 1/2 marathon.
9. Make a quilt.
10. Help my child(ren) so they can study abroad during college.
11. Take a mother-daughters trip with my Mom & sister somewhere abroad.
12. Visit a volcano.
13. Visit all 50 states.

What about you? What things - mundane or fantastic - do you want to do during your lifetime?

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

Read more Thursday Thirteens and get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

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Epic/Lucky

Lucky Justin was awake and answered his phone right away when it rang at 3 AM.

Lucky he made it to a house and stopped driving without freezing up or being confused or getting in a car accident.

Lucky the house he stopped at was home to a very generous and caring couple who took him in.

Lucky he was alert and with-it enough to tell them who to call for help.

Lucky they let him stay there until his son could pick him up and didn't make the EMTs they called to check if he was okay take him away to the hospital.

Lucky Justin is familiar with some of the staff at the assisted living facility and talked to them.

Lucky he was still functioning though he had missed one for sure, maybe two, doses of his every-four-hours medication.

Lucky he didn't end up in the middle of nowhere.

Lucky he made it to a house even though he couldn't remember what had happened in the 8 hours he'd been who-knows-where.

Lucky he understands that this affects whether he's going to be able to drive anywhere by himself anymore.

Lucky the nurse who manages the medications doesn't want to give him doses to take with him anymore, so we don't have to be the bad guys.

Lucky he is okay.

Lucky he is safe.

Lucky.

Behind the Library

This is the first installment of a new series I've decided to write. I have tons of old journals, letters, and a shoebox full of notes from when I was in high school, and I've decided to share my ridiculous young self with all of you. If anyone out there wants to join me, I'd be happy to read all your embarrassing stuff too. I still need a good name for this series so I can make a little graphic. If you have one for me, let me know. If I choose your suggestion, I'll send you a prize. So... here we go!

2-7-98 (17 yrs old)

So here I am, sitting behind the library because I had to take Kira to tap again. It's warm and sunny, at least that's a nice change. Well, Thomas and I have been having some really nice conversations lately and I've been thinking about him a lot. I'm lucky to have him as a friend. I had a realization the other day. Gosh, maybe I'll just start with Monday. I spent the night at Sati's on Monday, she had told me before that R & L broke up. Well, on Sunday she had gotten stoned with Sarah & Allison and both of them had asked Sati if me and R were gonna hook up, so I guess others noticed what went on at the party too*. So I told Sati I would like that but I'd figured it'd never happen. So she said, well why don't you just call him and ask him to do something? Well, anyhow, she ended up calling him for me** on Wednesday night and it's a real bummer, him & L are working things out. I guess it's good for them, but they seem so wrong for each other.*** Anyhow, on Wed night I talked to Kevin for a long time and I ended up telling him how I felt. Because for some reason I told him I didn't think he knew how much I cared for him. He asked and so I told him that he was everything, how I'd thought he was the one I'd be with for a long time, how he was my every breath & that Leanne Rimes song was really how I felt. He said he didn't know I felt that way. How the fuck did he think I felt? I mean, Jesus. I loved him.**** I'd do almost anything to have him back, but he's got a new girlfriend now. Her name is K and I guess she goes to WCC, I don't know how they met but I wonder. now. Now I can understand why it's so fuckin' hard for Sam to talk to me. Damn, I can hardly talk to Kev w/out wanting to say how I feel or ask questions about her. So I guess I can't blame Sam.***** Speaking of whom, I realized on Wednesday what a jerk I'd been to him and after I went to the court to observe w/Sati on Thursday I drove over to the college to talk to him. So I apologized. I didn't realize my hands were shaking until he pointed it out to me. I told him how sorry I was, that he was right all along and that I should have left him alone the first time he asked me to & that if he didn't want to talk anymore that I understood & I'd respect that. So he didn't really say anything about talking so I assume he doesn't want to. But he gave me a hug & forgave me so the thing I regret now is losing a great guy as a friend. So I did something last weekend I said I'd never do. Me & Sati took a pack of cigarettes from work. Theyw ere all gone by Tuesday. I just wanted to so bad & it was good. I got a pack of herbals b/c I said I didn't want to smoke regular ones all the time, but I decided I would just not smoke except like at parties or if I get really upset or something. There's not really any point to smoking herbals anyhow, it's no effect. So I finally did it. I also got a haircut & dyed my hair on Friday, it's like orange. It's not permanent but I think I'm gonna dye it permanent when this stuff washes out. I got a lot of compliments on it. Well, Sati's mom is going out of town from Feb 26-Mar 7 and I'm gonna stay at her house some of the time, Mom & Rob are making me come home one night, but oh well. We (me & Sati) are having a party & I know R & A & J & S & A & maybe L & E & her roommate are gonna be invited. It's gonna be lots of fun. I can't wait. Kira's going to North Dakota over Feb break. THat'll be weird to not have her around for a week. Sati's been talking a lot about moving out lately and I wish so much I could move out with her soon. Next time I get paid I'm gonna get another earring. I met a really nice guy named Noah in English & I had an excuse to ask for his phone # but I ended up not calling him. He works at Costco & I'm not sure how old he is anyhow. Well, I guess that's all for now.

Later,
Rachael

*What 'happened at the party' was basically hand-holding. I know, super risque!
**Remember when you used to get your friends to call dates for you? Hilarious.
***R&L are now happily married w/2 little kids.
****No, no I didn't. I thought I did, but seriously? No.
*****This was the Sam that my son is partially named after. After that day I didn't talk to him for about a year when he contacted me days before his suicide.

Now, tell me about something this made you remember in the comments!

I Want It

I have gone back and
forth, over and over, no
decisions have come

It's not the same this
time around, desperation
is absent this time

I cuddle a new
baby in my arms, I smell
her baby smell, sweet

My heart does not ache.
Also gone is the fear, the
thought that my strength lacks

Two would be too much,
in the past year my head and
heart have assured me

Things have changed now, though.
We are settling and calming,
new home and new future

I realized this
week, I want you, I will seek
you, my number two

I feel it now, and I don't know the road ahead. Last time, it was hard. Two years and four inseminations before I was blessed. What will it be this time? 15 pounds lighter, thyroid healthier, PCOS being treated, hormones on a better course, healthier. Will it make a difference? No way to know. I have been unsure, what we could handle, what Sam could handle. He is older now. We are in a different situation now. It's not like last time, I am not desperate or longing. It's not frantic, but a solid thought in my mind. I want to be pregnant again. Wish me luck, and pray for a shorter and easier road this time around.

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Thirteen Updates!

I'm back! I think. The last three weeks have been totally crazy, and I can't believe it's been over a week since I posted, but I'm trying not to panic about it. PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN'T LOSE ALL MY READERS. GAH! Okay, I got that out of my system. I hope everyone's still out there, I'm going to try to get back on track. So, to get caught up, here are 13 Updates on what the hell has been going on in my life lately.

Thirteen Updates This Thursday

1. Three weeks ago, we moved into our new house - the house my husband grew up in. At this point it is ALMOST all unpacked. Two things are still left to be done. The first is our bedroom. There are clothes EVERYWHERE, and today Justin was digging through them trying to find a pair of pants. So not awesome. It's the hardest to unpack because it's upstairs and it's hard for me to get up there when I'm with Sam. The second is the pile. The pile is where I put everything that came out of boxes that I was thinking too much about. It's not that big, probably about 3 large boxes full of stuff. Perhaps I'll tackle it tonight.
   
2. Last Sunday, my book club friends from Seattle came up and saw my new house. It was SO much fun to hang out with them, to share my house and show them some of my favorite places in Bellingham. We went to my favorite toy store, walked around Fairhaven and went into one of the coolest used book stores in the area, then had a wonderful dinner out. It was so much fun to have a girls day out!
   
3. We had our first playdate at the new house yesterday, and it went great! I have been part of a mom's group here in Bellingham since we moved up last March (08) but I haven't been able to host a playdate since because our house was just WAY too small. now that we're in the new house, we have plenty of room for the kids to play and the moms to hang out and socialize! It's fun having playdates at people's houses because you don't have to watch the kids as hard as if we're at the park or something. It was wonderful, and I'm planning on having one every couple of weeks.
4. I've been entertained by several movies lately. Quick reviews? Spoilers in white, highlight to read 'em. GI Joe - LOVED it. Total eye candy. Just full of fighting, explosions, awesome non-existant weapons and cheesy dialogue. I did think it was sort of funny how they didn't even TRY to hide the fact that they set it up for a sequel. Replacing the president and not having it go anywhere? It's like they only told half the story. The Ugly Truth - not bad, I was entertained. Pretty standard romantic comedy. Orphan - I thought it was pretty good! I liked it because it was not freaky scary supernatural, it had an actual plot, and the scary parts were interspersed with less scary parts. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - LOVE. It was really good. There were a couple of things left out that I really missed - I was not happy that they didn't even introduce the mental connection between Harry & Voldemort. That's a big part of the book, and an even bigger part of the last book, and it really should have been introduced. I also HATED that they made it so that Harry was just TOLD to go below by Dumbledore. In the book, Dumbledore put a spell on Harry so he couldn't talk or move - he had no choice but to watch him die. By leaving that out of the movie, they made it seem like Harry just WASN'T helping. Really didn't like that. I also don't like that they destroyed the Weasley's house. So.... what are they going to do in the next movie? Because a significant portion of Book 7 took place at the Weasley's house. Like Bill & Fleur's wedding. Speaking of which, they also left out the battle at the end of the book, including Bill & Fleur's relationship. GAR. So, OTHER than that, I really liked it. I was surprised at how funny it was! I thought that Tom Felton was EXCELLENT as Draco Malfoy, he did a great job especially considering that a lot of his acting was non verbal in this one.
   
5. Despite the fact that I haven't had time to get online, I HAVE been reading a lot lately. Sam has been clingy since he's still adjusting to the new house and everything, but when he is sitting in my lap in the morning or before bed watching TV, he will let me read a book and not try to take it from me. I recently finished The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon, which we read for book club. It was really quite good, I definitely recommend it. Right now, I'm reading Rage Against the Meshugenah by Danny Evans, starting The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold for one book club and The Brief & Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao for my other book club, and will soon start The Wonder of Boys. I was behind on my 52 books a year goal, but I'm catching up with all the reading I've been doing lately!
   
6. One of the reasons I have time to write today is because my babysitter, who had a baby in late June, is back babysitting again! Yay! So, Sam's back to going to her one day a week so I can have an actual break. The last 3 weeks especially have been really tough for me, I really need this time to myself, and I'm so glad to have it again!
   
7. We have 8+ apple trees of different varieties in our yard. Yesterday my Mom came over and we used Yellow Transparents to make applesauce! We made about 10 or 11 jars, Sam ate a whole jar when it was done, still warm from cooking. We can't wait to make sauce out of all the different types of apples and compare them. The stuff we made yesterday is light, yellow transparents are very white, and delicious, it sort of tastes like apple pie filling. Mmmm....
   
8. Sam and I went blueberry picking on Tuesday with my Mom and we picked about 30 pounds of blueberries. I'm going to freeze some and dry some to use in breads etc. I got some beautiful photos of the flowers in the fields that they grow for bouquets at the farm, so I'll post some of those soon.
   
9. I know I haven't posted a weight loss update in several weeks since I've fallen behind. I'm down 28.8 pounds - ALMOST THIRTY! It seems insane to me. I've been feeling a lot of feelings, like I am proud but at the same time I'm annoyed that I can't lose more faster, and that I'm still so fat and blah blah blah. This week I had a GAIN of 2 lbs, but it was a combination of the fact that I went out to lunch and ate a good sized lunch, and that I was wearing jeans because it was cold and rainy. The next day I weighed myself at home and was the same as last week. I REALLY need to start going to the gym again, I have just been so exhausted over the last few weeks that it hasn't happened. We're getting settled in and back on a normal schedule, so I'll start penciling that in on the calendar.
   
10. Now that we're all unpacked we can also start cooking in the kitchen again, and I need to make a menu plan. It will really help us eat better, we have not been eating great since we moved and the first couple weeks involved A LOT of fast food.
    
11. Sam has not slept in his own bed since we moved, but last night my Mom babysat (yay for date night!) and she put him up in our bed after he fell asleep and he didn't wake up pretty much all night. That is a good sign, I think that soon we will try putting him in his own bed after he falls asleep and see what happens. It would be nice for Justin and I to sleep in the same bed again - he has been sleeping on the couch a lot because he's afraid his alarm will wake Sam up too early then I'll be stuck getting up with him.
    
12. Since we moved we have cable and have been watching Noggin. We have discovered the fun of Miss Spider and Jack's Big Music Show and I am totally in love with Laurie Berkner. She's so great, and fun! I want to get a CD, but haven't been able to get to a big enough store yet. Maybe today!
    
13. I haven't been commenting on everyone's blogs - but I HAVE been reading. It's been crazy and my feed reader has been out of control, but I think it's mostly back under control now, so I will be coming around and giving bloggy love again. I still love you guys!
    

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