I Don't Feel Like It

Three hours and forty eight minutes until Sam gets back from school.

There is laundry to be done, several loads of it.

But I don't feel like it.

Five articles and ten short blog entries to be written for my ghostwriting job, due tomorrow.

I don't feel like it.

Dishes in the sink that would take five minutes to put in the dishwasher.

I don't feel like it.

I haven't eaten much today, and need to make myself some food.

I don't feel like it.

Toys on the floor that need to be picked up, another five minutes.

I just don't feel like it.

Today I'm struggling. I found out last night that not only does Sam get President's Day off next Monday, but no school Tuesday as well. This will be the 5th week our babysitter has been out of town, so Sam has not been over there for his normal all-day Thursdays. She's back next week, but it seems so far away.

For the last five weeks I've spent the time Sam was at school running errands, cleaning the house, moving furniture, organizing inside and outside the house. For one week, Sam didn't go to school because he was sick. For another week I couldn't do much because I was sick. Yesterday I was looking forward to time by myself and Justin's Dad showed up and that took up half the time Sam was away.

I am feeling it. The lack of time spent doing nothing or concentrating on myself. The absence of downtime. I'm just feeling tired. Our weeks are full, Justin is at his father's house ever Monday and Wednesday after work until after Sam goes to bed. His company is going through a transition and it's been very, very busy, meaning some nights we don't see him until 6 or 7. Maybe Sam is feeding off my emotions again, but he's been having a lot of trouble listening.

Having a hard time, it's just the way it is sometimes. Ups and downs are just a part of life. But when it's pulling you down like the chain on an anchor, drowning you in a sea of overwhelm, it's hard to feel like doing much of anything. It's not a depression, just simple weariness.

It's to be expected, right? 27 weeks pregnant, with a baby in me stealing my fuel and energy. More time than not spent with a totally hyper 3.5 year old. Husband with a sick father and a job that needs a lot of attention right now. A busy time.

I just don't feel like doing anything.

BUT. I have to. So, it's off to writing, dishes, laundry and cleaning up. Sigh....