13 Things About "Morning" Sickness

I haven't been writing my Thursday Thirteens every week, but a list has been writing itself in my head for the last few days. And, well, if you know me, you KNOW how much I love my lists. You know what one of the worst things about "morning" sickness is? Well, I do. I know a few. But I'm not going to tell you right now, because that would spoil your fun of reading my list. Ha. If you're like me and you love lists, Thursday Thirteen is a great way to get them out into the world. Also, who doesn't like alliteration? And cute pictures of sleeping puppies. So. Cute.

Thirteen Things About "Morning" Sickness

1. See those quotes around "morning?" There's a reason for that. Whoever decided to call it morning sickness obviously didn't have the pleasure of experiencing the full joy of being pregnant and nauseous. It's more like "all the time night and day 24/7 sickness." At least for me.
2. If I don't eat enough, I feel sick. But...
3. If I eat too much, I feel sick! Sick all the time. It's like winning the lottery. I can also win that by not eating often enough. It's a cycle, because the longer you go, the worse you feel but at the same time the LESS you feel like trying to eat anything!
4. You haven't barfed until you've barfed in public. Seriously. Whether it's the bathroom at your favorite Target or your favorite Mexican restaurant, or barfing in the trash can outside the move theater (see #8), it's a whole new world.
5. Even when you're not barfing, you might not be able to stop THINKING about it. Like lying in bed at night trying to go to sleep, if you're nauseous you might start to think about whether you're going to throw up, and that in turn may make you MORE nauseous. It's like a neverending cycle.
6. When the doctor or midwife told you you'd probably start feeling better around 12 weeks? That was a BIG LIE. No one knows when it will end, you might not be lucky enough to have it end after the first trimester.
7. If movies like "The Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity" with their handheld shaky cameras don't USUALLY cause any problems for you? All bets are off when "morning" sickness enters the picture. Lay off the red vines because you might see them again soon.
8. It doesn't have to end with nausea. If you're like me, maybe your body will ALSO decide to produce about 10x the normal amount of phlegm so you can spit and blow your nose about 100 times a day.
9. If you do have to spit a lot, your husband will not appreciate coming home to find a drinking glass full of loogies on the table in the living room because you were too lazy sick to get up and run to the bathroom every time you needed to empty your throat.
10. If your doctor or midwife suggests that you can take 1/2 a Unisom a couple of times a day to make the nausea better? Don't WAIT to try it. Go get some, like right now. It might help.
11. There is not much sadder than sitting in the bathroom wretching while your child stands by and tries to tell you to be done because he needs something.
12. There is one good thing about being nauseous all the time. You won't gain a whole lot of weight, now will you? I'm still down 12 pounds from where I started and don't expect it to be much of a problem during this pregnancy.
13. Oh, there might be one other good thing about "morning" sickness. In the end, you get to HAVE A BABY! YAY!

Aren't you glad you decided to read my blog today? I know you are. It's possible you're feeling a little nauseous yourself right now after reading about some barf. Well, suck it up sucker. It's worse over here.

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