Here I am again! I haven't been able to post since last week because we have been busy around here! Last Wednesday after I posted, Mom & Keith came over and stayed the night since they were in Seattle for a show that night. The next day , I went out for a Sam-free dinner with Tara, Brooke and Kelly. We went to PF Changs, it was nice to spend some girl time, and I had my first drink for... well, about 10 months! Mmm... Asian Pear Mojito... It was good to see them, and get caught up with Brooke since we hadn't talked in a few days! I didn't have too hard a time being away from Sam, but I did particularly enjoy snuggling him when I got home that night!
Saturday Sam went to his first movie! We went and saw The DaVinci Code with Tara, Brooke, Kelly & Kelly's baby Macaela. Sam was great, he slept through the whole thing and didn't make a peep the whole time. After the movie we went and hung out at Brooke and Dave's house and tested out another of the pizza places near there. It was definitely not our favorite. The sauce was sweet, and I think that my pizza had more than a pound of cheese on it. Seriously. I only ate one slice.
Sunday Sam had another visitor, Justin's friend Tiffany from down in the Tacoma area came to meet Sam for the first time. He even stayed awake for most of the time she was here! Today I took Sam to the doctor with me, then went and picked up Brooke for trips to Babies R Us, Nordstrom Rack, and Alderwood Mall. I got some new clothes at Lane Bryant, and picked up some more summery clothes for Sam. It's funny with all of the clothes we were given, I didn't expect to buy more! But we went light on the 'newborn' sized stuff, and it turns out we'll be using it at least for a while. I just picked up some more onesies and a couple of outfits with short sleeves and no feet so he won't get as warm as he does in the pajamas with feet on them. Our condo has virtually no circulation, so it gets pretty warm during the summer months.
Sam is doing pretty well. He is eating a ton, and yesterday he had a bath and didn't cry for the whole thing, which was cool. He's been a little bit fussy the last couple of nights between 2 am and 8 am, which is not the ideal time for me and Justin, but you know, what are we gonna do? One good thing is that he's getting a little bit better at keeping a pacifier in his mouth and not spitting it out all the time, so we don't necessarily have to wake up to put one of our fingers in for him to suck on. Also good at preventing us from having very pruned fingers.
I am very excited because we just put Sam's first cloth diaper on! We have had the diapers for almost a month, but we've been using disposables since we got home from the hospital because all of the diaper covers we have have been too big! We finished a pack of Pampers today and decided to try the cloth, and 2 of the covers (Bummis brand) are a little smaller and seem to fit well! Yay! So, I think we will probably start using the cloth now, which is great. Now I just need to call the diaper service to start up our weekly delivery/pickup. I can see that pretty soon the other ones will fit. I have a good supply, and want to get more, but I thought I'd wait and see which ones we liked best before ordering any more. We have lots of variety to test out thanks to Brooke's very toughtful shower present of a variety of covers and supplies to try out.
On another note, I have decided to stop trying to breastfeed. It was not an easy decision, but 's it is the right choice for me and for Sam. I had a conversation about it with my Mom on Mother's Day and the next day I started to feel a lot better about everything, which I wrote about the last time I posted here. I think at that point I started the healing process from losing this aspect of motherhood. Once I'd made my decision, I realized that I don't feel like I'm missing bonding with my son because I can't breastfeed him. Because of the size (small) and shape of my breasts, when I feed him he ends up staring into my armpit or my chest, we can't make eye contact if he's nursing. I feel like I'm bonding with him a lot more when I bottle feed him and I can hold him comfortably in my arms and he looks into my eyes while he's eating; or when he's alert and awake and I can hold him and talk to him and watch him learning how to smile and make little noises because he's gotten enough to eat & is totally satisfied and relaxed, and I'm not stressed out because I can't feed him the "normal" way. I love him so much, and I know I'm a good Mom no matter what anybody else thinks.
If anyone reading this has had or is having the same kind of problems, I highly recommend the group 'Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues (MOBI)'. You can find their website at www.mobimotherhood.org, and they have a group on Yahoo that you can join through the website. I was shocked at the lack of information and support for women who are not ABLE to breastfeed. Everywhere I looked, there was information about how to feed if you CHOOSE not to breastfeed, but that's not the case for a ton of women. MOBI is a new nonprofit, an invaluable resource for thousands of women, their website is brand new, and hopefully it will just grow from here!
All right, well, I am exhausted from today - funny how things like going shopping exhaust me so much more now. Partly because of the added aspect of taking care of Sam, partly because of having less sleep, but I think my body is also still recovering from the whole pregnancy and birth, and it doesn't show much until I decide to do something like go walk around somewhere for a few hours pushing a stroller and toting shopping bags. We're planning on a trip to Bellingham sometime, hopefully in the next week, so we'll get to visit with people. I will post again soon!
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