NaBloPoMo Day 27: Fail/Not Fail

Well, you may have noticed there is no post for Day 26.  That is because, once again, I have failed at NaBloPoMo.  Sigh...  BUT, I don't feel that disappointed about it.  It would be cool to say I made it and that I had done it.  But I've made it so far, and I feel like it has done a lot for me already (post on that is forthcoming, for sure!)  We've been at the farm with all my family the last 2 days and today and yesterday I have been extremely tired and exhausted.  I don't know if it's because the kids are being a bit gripey, or because Danny's been extra whiny (growth spurt?  He ate an awful lot today!), or because I'm away from my normal responsibilities so my body's relaxing.  I've had a cold for about a week that I can't seem to kick and I just feel really tired, and haven't slept really great the last two nights.  I was in the bed with both kids, which was kind of nice, but also way too restrictive to my movements and left me sleeping poorly and waking up with my back hurting.  It's not quite the same sharing a double bed with two kiddos as a King like at home!  Anyhow, last night I went up to put Sam to bed before writing my blog, and I snuggled in under the warm blanket in between my two little boys.  And when Justin came up to check on me a while later and I was still awake, but cozy and sleepy, I decided to stay in bed with them and rest instead of getting up and forcing out some words onto the screen.  I don't regret it.  I was tired, and I was in a wonderful place at that moment, and you just never know how many moments like that are left!  So, I "failed," but I also didn't, because my heart was in the right place.  I'm still going to try to post every day until the end of November if I can, we'll see!

NaBloPoMo Day 25: A Small Miracle

Last Thanksgiving at the farm

Today we drove from Bellingham to Colville, and the trip went more smoothly than I could have imagined.  I got home from Seattle at 9:00 last night, and was SET on leaving at 10:00 this morning.  When I got home last night I hadn't even written a packing list for our 4 day/5 night stay at my sister's farm, let alone started packing anything.  I didn't do much last night other than clean up the living room and make a list.  Justin had done some housework, which was REALLY nice because there is nothing I hate more than coming home from a vacation with our mountain of stuff that needs unpacking to a dirty house.  There's a pile of clean laundry to deal with, but that's no big deal.

I really wanted to make it to the farm by dinner, and I knew if we left much later than 10, we wouldn't.  With two adults and maybe ONE bathroom stop, it would be a 7 hour and 15 minute drive.  With two adults and two kids, and SEVEN (yes, you heard me, we stopped seven times...) stops, it is more like a 9 hour drive.  I got up with my alarm clock today - his name is Danny - but he didn't wake me until about 7:15.  Pretty late for him, many days he is up between 6:15 and 6:45.  I sat with him for a few minutes, then started getting ready.  Justin was already up after not being able to go back to sleep at 5 something.

We managed to get everything packed for all four of us, get the kids breakfast and dressed, keep the house clean, clean out the entire car (including vacuuming and changing out the towel that covers the backseat under the carseats) and change out the entire stock of toys in the car to new ones for the journey, and left the house at 10:15.

WITHIN 15 MINUTES OF MY GOAL.

I don't even REMEMBER the last time this happened for a trip like this!  Usually if we plan to leave at 10 it is more likely we'll leave at 11 or sometimes even later.  I was so happy!  Not only did we leave on time, but the kids did incredibly well on the drive over.  They didn't even ask for phones to play games on until about 7 hours into the trip - unheard of.  They were just playing with their toys, and Danny took about an hour and a half nap.  Amazing.

We got here at 7:15 just as the first two pizzas were coming out of the oven, and had dinner, then I was surprised with a delicious triple chocolate mousse cake that my sisters made for me.  Now the Olsens and Justin are in the living room watching the Gonzaga game, I'm typing, my Dad is working on a big puzzle, and my two boys are coloring quietly at the dining room table.  I'm going to take about a million pictures this week.

It's so mellow and quiet here, and I feel relaxed just being here.  It's peaceful.  I'm really looking forward to the next few days on the farm.  Getting out of the car, hugging my sister Lianna and my Dad who I haven't seen in 2+ years, and then holding my little niece Nora for a while while Kira put away the stuff from making dinner, my heart already feels at home.  It's going to be really hard when this trip ends.

 

NaBloPoMo Day 24: To Decorate Me!

Guess what?  I have REALLY been wanting some new long sleeved shirts that are comfortable enough for weekends, but nice enough to wear to work.  How lucky am I that 1. TWO very generous people got me Lane Bryant gift cards for my birthday and 2.  There was a $40 off $100 sale, so I could get even more?!  I am having them shipped to the store so there's no shipping charge (yay!), but they won't be here for 4-8 days... how can I wait?  I went to the store today and tried stuff on so I would know it will all fit when it gets here.  Here's what's coming:

Lane Bryant Basic Black Lace Cami

Freaking Fabulous Lane Bryant Sequin Tee

Lane Bryant Classic V-Neck Striped Sweater

Lane Bryant Sweater Tunic with Chiffon Hem

Lane Bryant Classic V-Neck Sweater (in a green to die for)

Lane Bryant Zip Back High Low Sweater

I ALSO went to Kohl's yesterday because I wanted a new shirt to wear out for my birthday dinner and had a bit of other shopping to do, plus a 20% off coupon.  I ended up with this T, which is super comfy, sparkly, and makes me happy:

Apt 9 Embellished Top

Detail

And, my friend Brooke got me this blue shirt as part of my gift.  Probably at Value Village or Goodwill.  She has this weird thrift store magic where she finds awesome things.  I can never find awesome things like she finds when I go to these places.  It's Apt 9, so originally from Kohl's, and it's what I call a "Rachael shirt," she probably took one look at it and had to buy it for me.

I also decided Friday night I wanted fancy nails for my birthday, and I finally tried out the dotting tools I got forever ago and ended up with my favorite mani of all time:

Woo!

NaBloPoMo Day 23: Happy Birthday to Me

Well, it's my birthday.  If you'd sat down with me five years ago and told me that this is what my life would be like on my 33rd birthday, I definitely would not have believed you.  But here I am.

I'm not one of those people who worries about getting older.  In fact, if you ask my best friend, she'll tell you how weird I am because I basically spent the last half of my twenties waiting to turn 30.  I just wanted to be out of my twenties.  All of my friends who were at the same stage of life as me were 5 years older, and I felt like when people found out how old I was they just thought of me as young, and I didn't really want to be anymore.  Now that I'm in my thirties, sometimes I have to think about it when people ask how old I am because I just know I'm thirty something!

I like it here.  I don't think I'll ever be at an age again where I don't like it.  I don't mind growing older, and I'm not one of those people that will 'turn 29' repeatedly or hide my age.  I look at my mother, who is now 54, and she is beautiful and young and one of my best friends.  Why WOULDN'T I want to be in my fifties someday?  Grey hair and wrinkles tell the story of who we are, and what made us into the person we will become.

I am in Seattle for the weekend, celebrating with friends as I do every year.  We go out to dinner and usually a movie (Catching Fire, here I come!!!) and I spend time with some of my favorite people.  This weekend is something I look forward to all year, and it's special to me.  Then, this week, we will take the long drive over the mountains to Colville to spend Thanksgiving on the farm with Brent, Kira, and Nora as well as my Dad and little sis Lianna who are visiting from the East Coast.  I can't wait, I haven't seen them in nearly two years.  My Mom and Paul will also be there, and I can't wait to relax and just be surrounded by my family.  Oh, and for my Mom's pecan pie.

The last couple of years have been really, really hard in so many aspects, some of which I've written about, and a lot of which I haven't.  They are still hard.  I'm going to counseling now, and I love the woman I'm seeing, and I'm confident that next year will finally be the year that things start to REALLY get better for me and my family.  I'm excited for that, and I really hope that by next birthday when I turn 34, I will be in a different place than I am now.

For now, it's enough to be surrounded this week and weekend by some of the most important people in my life, and to celebrate that they are a part of it.

NaBloPoMo Day 22: Birthday Fantasy List

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I'm going to be 33 years old.  Which is a pretty good number, because it's two threes.  Anyhow, a couple of years ago I made a little Christmas dream list here, so I thought why not do the same thing for my birthday - it's fun to dream, right?

Peacock Feather Earrings

Canon 50mm f/1.4 lens

Alegria Feliz Prism Clog (Disco Shoes) in Size 7.5

Electric Blue Druzy Necklace

A quilt like this gorgeous rainbow stripe

 

Super Pop Book

Daisy Fuentes Sweater

Chevron Wallet

Jonathan Adler Ceramic Unicorn

NaBloPoMo Day 21: Dear Danny

Dear Danny,

As I told your brother, your birthday letter this year is quite late.  Sorry about that!

Today I am at home with you because you are sick.  You have had a fever since yesterday morning, it started at 100 but went up to 102 last night and this morning.  It's down a bit now with Tylenol, but you're still sick.  It's a milestone of your age that you were able to wait for me to go in the kitchen and get a bowl before throwing up this morning.  Even though I hate that you're sick, there's a part of me that likes just spending the time to cuddle with you and hold you and give you comfort.  I know that being held by me or Daddy right now is the best thing to make you feel better while your body fights off whatever it has going on.

You are amazing.  You are officially three and a half now, and it's hard to believe it's been so long since you were born.  Your whole life has been a surprise to me because you are just so completely different than your brother.  How can two little boys with blonde hair and blue eyes be so different when they both came from the same place?  It's amazing.  You have been the smiliest kid I ever saw since you were just a baby, and you're pretty good natured most of the time.  You're loving and you tell me all about everything.

Lately you've been crawling into my bed in the middle of the night, something you never asked for or liked doing before.  I know that Daddy thinks it's a bad habit that needs to be broken, but with working full time I see so much less of you than I used to, and I have to admit that having you snuggled up next to me in the night feels pretty good.

You are so smart.  You know all your letters, and you sound them out, saying things like "buh buh bat!" a lot.  I think that if I pushed it, you could be reading, but I'm in no hurry so I just let you go at your own pace.  As it is, you can look at words and spell out all the letters, and you know which sounds they make.  You know how to read 'on' and 'off' on your light switch in your room, and love playing letter and matching games.  You love puzzles and know your numbers up to 15 and lots of different shapes.  I see pictures you draw and am amazed at how good they are, so recognizable.

Your toddlerhood has been more challenging for me than Sam's was in some ways.  With being so happy most of the time, you also hit the extreme in the other direction.  Sometimes you get so upset so fast, and Sam was always a bit more even tempered, high highs a bit less high and lows not as low.  Navigating uncharted waters can be a challenge, especially when I feel like I should have a map since I've been here before.  

This fall has been really hard for me.  It has been a bit over a year since I went back to work full time, but for a significant amount of that time, you were spending 2-3 days a week with Grandma, then with me and Daddy over the summer.  When Grandma went back to work this fall and you switched to full time daycare, it broke my heart a little bit.  It still does.  There are aspects of working that I really like, and financially, it's necessary right now.  But having you spend more time during the week with someone else than you do with me is unsettling at best.  I miss our days together, of lounging around the house in the morning and then going out walking in the afternoons.  I miss having leisurely special time with you.  You bring joy to everybody.  When I take you places, you light up people's days just be being there with your smile and your observations of the world.

You are totally potty trained now, and you help put on your own buckle in the car seat.  You want to do things yourself as much as you can.  You love helping me with the dishes and sorting laundry, and the other day you vacuumed in the nude with our little dust devil for over half an hour.  It was hilarious.

You love your train tracks, and one day when I stayed home with you and Daddy and Sam were gone, you built about 8 different configurations of the track throughout the day.  You'd build one, play with it for a while, then start taking the pieces one by one and building a new track.  Grandma Edie thinks you're going to be an engineer when you grow up.  I don't know what you're going to be, other than a pretty awesome guy.  Your personality is just wonderful, I can see you growing older and just being the guy who makes friends with anyone and bridges gaps between groups of people who never would have melded.  Your light shines bright, and I'm pretty sure you're going to change the world.

And just think, you're not even four yet!  I love you little butt.

Mama

Favorites! 

Favorite Color:  Pink and purple
Favorite Book:  Little Critter Where's My Sneaker, Cars board book
Favorite Movie: Cars
Favorite Song: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, You Are My Sunshine, Baa Baa Black Sheep & Landslide
Favorite TV Show: Team Umizoomi, Animal Mechanicals, Handy Manny
Favorite Food: String Cheese,
Favorite Dessert: Donuts, M&Ms, Cupcakes, Cookies... you have a bit of a sweet tooth
Favorite Thing to Do Outside the House: Go to parks, Go exploring ANYWHERE, really!
Best Friend: Adrian

NaBloPoMo Day 20: Just Once

After seeing Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, all I could think about was how just once in my life, I would like to wear one of these:

Which got me thinking about other things I'd like to have occasion to wear.

Just once.

To feel like a princess.

To glitter.

To be fancy.

For a little while.

To be able to WALK in these!

To sparkle.

To have these wild curls.

Just once, just for a few minutes.  Aaaaahhh...  What's your fancy fantasy?

NaBloPoMo Day 19: Concepts I Just Can't Get Behind

The 12th Man

I just.... can't.  I get that fan support is important, but I bet that they would play without fans for those millions they get to take home.  Just because you put a flag on your car or make a lot of noise in the stadium doesn't make you a part of the team.  You didn't win.  The team won.

Elimination Communication

If you don't know what it is, you can look it up.  But it is basically about "potty training" babies by holding them over the toilet when they do certain cues.  Then people say their baby is potty trained at 12 months or whatever.  Hey, guess what?  You didn't potty train your kid, you trained yourself to hold your kid over the toilet bowl.  What a pain.

"Obamacare"

No, it's not that I dislike the Affordable Care Act.  I think it's a step in the right direction, though I wish we could just go to universal healthcare and actually providing for everyone like they do in Europe.  And yes, I know the tax rates are really high, but the market adjusts and you get used to it, and there's a huge benefit to it.  Anyhow, that is totally off topic.  What I'm talking about here is calling the ACA "Obamacare."  I can't stand it.  It's totally annoying and usually said with this certain tone of voice that makes me want to throat-punch the smug throat that said it.  People do realize that Romney kind of made this plan first as governor?  Why can't we just use the correct name for it??

I'm sure there are more, in fact, I'm pretty sure I just thought of one right before I started writing this and then promptly forgot it.  My brain is not what it used to be, apparently.  Sigh...

NaBloPoMo Day 18: Priscilla, the Paramount & a Public Proposal

Image Credit: Joan Marcus

As I wrote about yesterday, we went to see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert last night at the Paramount, and the show was spectacular!  I enjoyed it so much.  The costumes were amazing, it was funny, and the musical numbers were big.  It was just FUN, and the audience was into it, which always makes it better.  There is just something about a show like this with the subject matter and the confrontation of homophobia and misunderstanding that occurs, and knowing you are in a room full of people who are completely accepting and love what they're watching warms your heart.  It was really refreshing after the last show we saw ended up being kind of a lukewarm disappointment in many ways.

It had been long enough since seeing the movie that I didn't remember the main plot point about why the queens were going on their desert trek, so it was nice to rediscover it.  I really want to watch the movie again now too!  After seeing it, one of the things I thought was how someday I wish I could just wear a big, feathery, showy headdress.  Just for a few minutes!

What we didn't know going in was that the show we saw last night was the last show of the U.S. tour.  After the end of the show, the actors stayed on the stage after the curtain call, and Scott Willis, who played Bernadette, began to speak.  He talked about the last 3 years working on this production and the costumes and the big-ness of the show - that it won't tour often because it's such an expensive show to produce, and the bus (which cost nearly a million dollars!) was never meant to leave New York, but they figured out how to do it.  It's a hugely technical show with a lot of lighting and other moving parts on the set, and there were 500 costumes - astronomical for a show where in most scenes, 25 people at most are on stage.  In the program there were some fun facts, one of which was that they used 2 lbs of glitter a month, and so much lipstick!

He talked about how it was so special to be involved in this show at a time when he feels that America is on the precipice of a time of true acceptance.  I feel it getting closer, but there's such a long way to go in so many ways, on so many levels.  It's nice to imagine a day when it will all be true though.  He spoke about the cast and their relationships with each other, he got choked up and so did I - I am kind of an empathetic crier (and a crier in general) then he turned to one of the young actors who played Benji and he was also choked up and it was just crazy and wonderful to be part of their farewell.

Scott turned it over to Wade McCollum, who played Tick/Mitzi, and he spoke about the players involved in the show and how they had made a beautiful tree with crazy colorful leaves and now those leaves would fall and all become part of some other tree.  They mentioned the costume designer and several others, and asked the choreographer to come up onto the stage.  I never noticed when Bryan West (Adam/Felicia) stole offstage to change from his costume into street clothes.  Then it was his turn to talk.

He said that one of the things this show had brought him in the last 3 years was the love of his life, the choreographer for the show, who he'd met and fallen in love with during this production.  Then he got down on one knee and proposed.  What?!  It was awesome.  I have never witnessed a proposal before, and what a perfect end to the night - two men getting a standing ovation for getting engaged at the final show of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?  Sometimes, the world is just amazing.

NaBloPoMo Day 17: A Night at the Theater

This year for his birthday, I got Justin season tickets for the Broadway at the Paramount series in Seattle. One huge reason I went for the season tickets was because season ticket holders had first dibs on tickets for The Book of Mormon, coming back to Seattle next summer!  It came in early 2013, and the tickets pretty much sold out to season ticket holders, so I thought it might be my only chance, and I know Justin and I both REALLY want to see it.

It was an expensive investment for us, but I just absolutely love going to the theater.  Musicals are my poison of choice, though I wouldn't turn down a play if someone wanted to go.  I bought the cheapest package possible - our seats are in the highest balcony, but not in the last row.  It's not too big a theater, so I don't think there are any bad seats, I can go and be in the last row and still be happy, though on those rare occasions when I'm down on the floor I have an extra special time.

Our first show was the new Andrew Lloyd Webber production of The Wizard of Oz, which we saw last month.  I was excited because I have loved Andrew Lloyd Webber ever since I was introduced to him when I was about 14.  I had heard Jesus Christ Superstar before that, but this was my first live-show experience of an ALW show.  There's a performing arts school in Fargo, where my Dad used to live, and that year I did the summer program there for younger teens where we got to perform a couple of song/dance numbers before the show started one night.  The production that year was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and I was HOOKED.

Well, I didn't love the new Wizard of Oz.  I felt much the same way about it as I did about the movie that came out earlier this year - the movie with Judy Garland is just so GOOD.  The show is was mostly based exactly on the movie with a few extra songs. There were a couple of parts I was impressed with/really liked (the Wicked Witch of the West's minions performance after she melted was pretty great), but for the most part I just kept comparing the performances to the movies. No one can really compare to Ray Bolger's scarecrow, and the cowardly lion inexplicably didn't sing "If I Was the King of the Forest."

I've had some really memorable experiences at the theater.  Seeing Les Miserables for the first time with Justin in Seattle, and being brought to tears by the sheer beauty of the performances during On My Own and Bring Him Home.  My first time seeing Rent.  Seeing Jesus Christ Superstar with Ted Neely and Carl Anderson, who played Jesus and Judas in the 1970s film, with my Dad when it toured.  My nights out with my girlfriends seeing Mamma Mia and Hair.  Seeing Starlight Express on stage in London when I was there since it's kind of the only place to see it because of the stage.

I love to sing, and I think if I could have any job, not considering any other aspects of life or talent, I'd be a broadway star.  I'm excited for the rest of this season, tonight we're seeing Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and the remaining shows in the series are The Lion King (which I've seen once before), Once, and Evita (which I am SUPER excited about because I have heard it a million times but never seen it on stage), then The Book of Mormon next summer.  I can't wait!

Here are the shows I've seen in the theater (that I can remember):

• Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (x2 - once at Trollwood School for the Performing Arts in Fargo, and once on stage in Vancouver, BC)
• Jesus Christ Superstar
• Rent (x4, one of my absolute favorites)
• The Phantom of the Opera (in London)
• Smokey Joe's Cafe (off Broadway, NY)
• Footloose (Trollwood School for the Performing Arts)
• Beauty and the Beast (Broadway in NYC starring Jamie Lynn Siegler as Belle)
• Cats
• Little Shop of Horrors
• Hair
• West Side Story
• Singin' in the Rain
• The Lion King (Broadway in NYC)
• Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk
• Les Miserables
• Mamma Mia
• The Wizard of Oz

Do you like going to shows?  What's your favorite?

NaBloPoMo Day 16: 10 Tips for Having a Great Natural Birth

I taught class 3 in the Birth Boot Camp curriculum this morning, about choosing your birthplace and care providers.  I am so inspired by the curriculum and by my students.  I'm teaching a private class right now with just one couple, and since it's just them this week I went to their home for the first time to teach them in their own space.  It was so warm and comfortable, and they are delightful.  They're so interested in everything I have to say, and I can tell that I'm really making a difference for them.  I've only known them 3 weeks and I'm already convinced their birth is going to be amazing.

 Since I was feeling so inspired by birth today, I figured that I would post something birthy here since I don't do it all that often.  I would like to have that crossover more often since I'm so passionate about it and it's a big part of my life.  This was originally published on my blog over at Ready, Set, Birth.  Enjoy!

10 Tips for Having a Great Natural Birth

There are so many things you can do to prepare yourself for your birth.  Here are 10 tips that will get you on the right path to having a great, natural birth!

#1: Consider a doula!  Research shows that a doula’s presence at a birth tends to result in shorter labors, fewer complications, more positive feelings about the experience in general, and reduced need for pitocin, forceps, and c-sections.  If you’re aiming for a natural birth, having a doula by your side for labor support can be an amazing tool.

#2: Trust your intuition.  There is a difference between fear and the sense that something is wrong or unusual or needs to be checked out.  My number one advice to new moms is to trust themselves – mother’s intuition is not an urban myth, and it starts when your baby is still in your belly.  Our inner voice is there for a reason, and if you’ve banished fear from your birthing process, you’ll be able to trust yours.

#3: Banish fear.  If you have fears about birth, take the time to sit down and journal, check out a book about working through fears, or talk to someone – a care provider, a friend, your birth teacher, or even a counselor.  The best way to go into birth is anxiety free and in a state where you are making decisions based on what you want an don the facts of your labor, NOT on fear of what might happen or lingering fears over what has happened in the past.

#4:  Take a childbirth class.  I recommend Birth Boot Camp (haha!), but in all seriousness, find the time to fit something in to your schedule, whether it’s my class or someone else’s.  The two hour class at the hospital with tour is not going to provide you with the information you need to trust yourself in birth and making any decisions that need to be made, the opportunity to practice the techniques you’re learning, and the chance to connect with other parents whose children will be the same age as yours.

#5: Don’t be afraid to switch providers. If your provider seemed supportive at first, but now is pushing for induction or scheduling or going back on his or her word, you don’t have to stay. If you get the feeling they are not supportive of your birth plan, you don’t have to stay. If they don’t treat you with respect, you SHOULDN’T stay.  I switched midwives at 30 weeks because I was just not clicking with the one I’d hired, and didn’t want someone at my birth who I wasn’t comfortable with.

#6: Relax! Spend time while you’re pregnant practicing relaxation and learn how to relax. This is one of the most important things you can do to prepare for a natural birth, which is one reason we practice this at almost every class in Birth Boot Camp. Learning how to breath deep and in your abdomen can make worlds of difference in letting your body birth your baby.

#7: Get rid of negative energy – if there are people around you who want to be present at your birth but are not providing positive energy, they need to hit the road.  It may sound callous to say that you should kick Grandma or your best bud out of the room, but the reality is that their nervous or unsupportive energy can affect your labor, and not in a positive way.  It can cause you to lose sight of what you’re doing and worry about someone else when all you should be thinking about is meeting your baby, or in the worst cases stall your labor because you’re not comfortable.

#8: Educate yourself about birth and what it is REALLY like.  Those birth scenes you see in the movies where the water breaks all over the floor in the grocery store, followed by immediate contractions that have a woman doubling over in pain and then screaming her way through delivery?  Not realistic!  Watching positive, peaceful, natural births not only instills confidence in your body and the process, but can give great examples of the kinds of breathing, toning, and sounds that can be helpful during a natural birth.
#9: Visualize and think positive. A lot of people feel silly at first doing visualization exercises  but guess what? No one thinks it’s silly when Olympic athletes visualize winning the gold, or football players visualize the play that will win them the Heisman Trophy. So WHY not visualize your birth the way you want it to be? Think about trusting your body and how you’ll bring your baby down.

#10: Make a birth plan!  A birth plan is not a guarantee.  It is good to have a flexible attitude about labor and birth because it’s impossible to know what mother nature holds in store for you.  I still recommend that everyone make a birth plan.  In the process of sitting down and writing down what you want and don’t want in your ideal situation, you learn what is important to you, where you are most flexible, and educate yourself about all the options.  This will allow for calm and educated decision making should things not go as planned during labor.

NaBloPoMo Day 13: Totally Random College Throwback

So, I randomly came across my personal statement.  The one I wrote when applying to the University of Washington Business School.  It's always strange to read old writing, but in this case it's also surprising because there is so much about it that still feels the same, even 12 years later...  I still miss Human Resources and why I went into it.  I get to dabble in it a tiny bit at work, but not that much.  I loved the HR class I took at UW, and hope I'll get to use them more someday.

University of Washington School of Business Personal Statement

1. “You’re such a dork!” I remember very clearly the words I heard my best friend say to me one day as we were walking home from class in the ninth grade. I listened to her talking about how when I got some money, we would go shopping and I could buy myself a new wardrobe. She didn’t seem to be considering the fact that I might not want a new wardrobe. I suddenly realized that she wanted me to conform because she was embarrassed of me. She wanted me to turn into another version of herself, which she would find more acceptable. It all started years before that, when I changed schools in second grade. I had many nicknames after that, such as “geek” and “nerd”. Although I got used to it, it never stopped hurting. I became resigned and just accepted that I would never be part of the “in” crowd, just because I was five pounds heavier, or because I tucked my shirt in, or laughed differently. By the time I was in middle school, I’d accepted the teasing and taunting as my fate. Before I knew it, the transition to high school had arrived. My best friend through middle school decided she didn’t want to be friends anymore, to reasons I have never discovered. Although it was hard, it also forced me to get out there and make new friends, to stand up and say, “This is me”. Ninth grade changed everything. I got less and less shy, and made friends who liked me for what I was, not for the clothes I wore or the way I talked. I still wasn’t part of the “in” crowd. I probably am not part of that crowd now, and never will be. After all these years, I know there are still people who think that I’m a dork. I have much more confidence in myself though, and I know how to stick up for myself. Our society bases so much on fitting in that many people never realize how important it is just to be yourself, and realize that in itself is special. It’s not all about what clothes you wear or what car you drive, or how high up in the company you are. It’s nice to know that I didn’t go through all of those years of being a geek for nothing. 

2. By the time I reached my sophomore year in high school, I didn’t feel that the classes I was taking were very challenging. Luckily, my school offered Running Start to their students, and during my junior year I was able to start attending classes at Whatcom Community College. I loved everything about it. I liked being treated as an adult and being challenged by my classwork, and I embraced life there. The one downfall I saw in the program was that by the time I finished high school I was only one quarter away from earning my Associates Degree. Although I was proud of this achievement and glad to go back for one more quarter to continue and complete my classes, I also think that completing that much schooling in such a compacted period of time is very difficult. By the time I finished my degree, I couldn’t imagine being in school any longer. However, I managed to keep my grades up at a pretty good level, and to make the deans list my last quarter there, which is something I am proud of. I went back to school one quarter later to study overseas, and then took the following year off. What this time off allowed me was to once again become excited about the prospect of being in school and learning new things. I am just starting my second quarter at the University of Washington. Last quarter, I took Accounting, Math, and Economics classes, and loved every minute of it – I even liked reading my textbooks! My year working and time off allowed me to discover a new and interesting career path, and to learn a lot about what it’s really like being involved in a corporation.

3. While I was out of school, I got a job as a customer care representative at VoiceStream Wireless. During the year that I worked there, I was exposed to things that I never knew I would be interested in. In that time, I experienced exponential growth and three mergers/acquisitions with them. At VoiceStream, everything was always changing. While I was working there in 1999 and 2000, I also witnessed big changes in the atmosphere and morale of the work environment. At first, it was a dream come true. They treated every worker as an individual; even the managers knew our names. I was able to earn extra skills, like handling escalated customers, and could earn pay raises and receive additional training. We were also empowered to help the customers in any way that we needed to in order to fix their problems. VoiceStream had the best customer service I had ever experienced, and I was a part of it. Things changed and by the time that I quit a year later, it was a rare occurrence to even see a smiling face. It seemed as though everything had been taken away from us. We were no longer allowed to use the extra skills we had earned, as the general customer queue was so behind all the time. We were rarely informed of policy or companywide changes when we needed to be. Any opportunity for career advancement within the call center had disappeared. I no longer felt that the people higher up in the company really cared about me as an employee. There were many issues that had been brought up involving morale and the changes in the company, but it didn’t seem like anyone’s concerns were being addressed. The change that I saw happen while working for VoiceStream made me think about the way that companies treat their employees. Working there allowed me to see a world I had never experienced before- the business world. It was one of the most interesting things I’d ever seen. I wanted to learn more about it, and could see myself being involved in it for a long, long time. Because the employees are at the heart of the company, and in many companies are dealing directly with the customers; the way that they feel and are treated on a daily basis can affect everything from efficiency to customers’ impressions about the company. I have seen these effects firsthand, and how important it is that employees feel appreciated and heard. My goal is to involve myself in HR or management, focusing on employee relations to develop healthy and efficient ways to relate to their employees, while still running the firm efficiently.

NaBloPoMo Day 12: Not That Kind of Girl

There are certain things that you will never catch me doing in a million years, because I'm just not that kind of girl.  It's not that I don't see value in these things, or that I judge people negatively for doing them.  It's just that for me, it's never going to happen.  I could kid myself and say there are certain things in life that I'd like to experience or go on some sort of conquest for.  But I know I'll never do these things, and I'm okay with that.  Honestly.  Some of these things are just easier to do when you're younger and don't have so many kids and responsibilities and are more fit.  Some just start to seem too young or distasteful as you grow older.  I mean, let's just agree on this.

I will NEVER:

• Have a flower garden or landscaping at my home that is free of weeds and looks as nice as the one in front of Danny's daycare. Unless I've hired someone to maintain it for me.
• Be able to bake anything without following a recipe for measurements.
• Read any books by Charles Dickens.
• Eat Foie Gras.
• Have a TV-free home.
• Go backpacking.
• Walk across the Capilano Suspension Bridge, or any other crazy-ass suspension bridge.
• Compete in any kind of group athletic challenge, up to and including an iron man, a triathalon, or a marathon.
• Have a house that's dust free.  Unless there's a housekeeper involved.
• Separate my whites and darks when I do laundry.
• Floss on a regular basis.

I'm just not that kind of girl!

So, what about you?  What are the things that you just know you'll never do, even if they seem nice/good for you/rewarding to other people you know who do them?

NaBloPoMo Day 11: A Short One

I am SO tired today!  I went to Book Club yesterday and it was awesome.  I really needed it this month, and we had a good discussion about the book, which was my pick, so that was cool.  I ended up staying and visiting with my best friend and going to a movie.  I thought, hey, why not, it will get out a little after 11, not TOO late, if I got home by like 12:15 I'd be okay for work.  Except after the movie, we ended up talking forever, and I didn't get home until 2 AM.  And when I got home, the power was out, and I ended up talking to Justin for a little while, so I probably didn't really fall asleep until around 2:45 maybe?  And got up at 7.  Not enough sleep for me!  I was planning to use the writing prompt for today, but Sam is sick and just came out of his room - he's been in there for half an hour and I thought he was asleep, but he's not and he has a fever and wants to lie with Mom, so I've got to close the laptop and cuddle my sick kid.  More tomorrow!

NaBloPoMo/Thankful Day 10: Book Club

Book club in Bellingham!

I am beyond thankful for my book club.

We have been meeting for almost 10 years.  In that time, we have seen many pregnancies and births, we have seen deaths, we have seen injuries and illnesses, hard times, times to celebrate, and everything in between.  We have read 100 books together.  We meet once a month, alternating between the homes of our members.  We talk about the books we read, then we move on to talking about how we are doing.  A large part of the focus will often land one or two specific ladies each month - those of us who are most needing to reach out and find support or guidance.  Some months it's 3 hours, other months we are together for closer to 5 or 6 and all find ourselves surprised at how late it is.

Christmas potluck & gift exchange 2011

We are a diverse group of women, several stay at home moms, a couple of working moms, one with no kiddos.  We all know each other in different ways, and the common link for most of us was the woman who started the club.  We come from different walks of life, and different backgrounds, and have different views on many issues.

Once a month, we gather.  We laugh together, eat together, drink together, sometimes cry together, and it's always a time that rejuvenates my soul.  We celebrate birthdays together with nights out several times a year, and most years we take a weekend trip to a beach house or somewhere fun with our kids.  Last year I am pretty sure we had 20+ kids and 6 adults in one house.  It was awesome.  We have had grown up sleepovers, and next year we'll be going to Suncadia for a weekend to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

Me and Tara, who started the book club

I cannot imagine my life without these women.  They are some of my best friends in the world, and going to book club is always a highlight of my month.  These women have supported me through the hardest times in my life, and I know they will always be there for me.  When I sat in that room 10 years ago and met some of these women for the first time, I never imagined what this group would become, and how large a part of my life it would be.  I couldn't have.  This is my tribe.  And I feel so, so blessed.

NaBloPoMo Day 9: A Typical Saturday

Every once in a while I like to record a typical day so that I can look back on it in a few years and remember where I was at.  Also, sometimes it blows my mind to write down my days because they can be a little bit crazy sometimes.  Here's what I did today...

4:00 AM - Awakened by the cat starting to barf all over my bed.  In my awakened-by-barf-right-next-to-me horror/sleepiness, my reaction is not to let the cat throw up and then take the blanket off the bed.  Instead, I pick him up and chuck him off the end of the bed.  Idiotic.  This results in a splattering of cat barf, landing all the way from on my hand to near my bedroom door.  I want to cry, but instead I pull the blankets off the bed, fold them over and leave them on top of the floor mess to clean up later, and get a new blanket and go back to sleep.

4:45 AM - Danny wakes up and comes and gets in bed with me.  I get him some chocolate milk and water and he goes back to sleep (thank God...).

6:00 AM - Justin comes into the bedroom from the couch and gets into bed.  Danny wakes up.  I try to get him back to sleep for about 15 minutes but it's obviously not working.  He wants to go out into the living room.  I finally agree to go.

6:15 AM - We lie on the couch with a blanket and I put a show on for him.  He cries because he wants candy (freaking Halloween...).  Then I doze on and off on the couch for a while.

7:25 AM - My Saturday morning alarm goes off on my phone.  I snooze it, but I'm starting to be all the way awake.

7:45 AM - I get up and get Danny a snack.  I grab my Birth Boot Camp stuff and make sure I have the right notes for today and quickly read over my materials.  Print out something I found online about protein sources for people who don't eat meat and gather some checks to put in my purse.

8:15 AM - I read some emails and look at Facebook a bit.  Sam gets up and he and Danny immediately start at each other.  Within 5 minutes, Danny has chucked the paperback copy of Goblet of Fire at Sam and hurt his hand.  I put Danny in his room so I can hug Sam and make sure he's okay, give Danny hugs, and tell them to give each other some space.

8:40 AM - Shower time!  Danny comes in while I'm in the shower asking me to make him chicken nuggets.

9:00 AM - Out of the shower.  Getting dressed and drying my hair, Justin's up and we talk a little bit and I gather my things to head to town.

9:20 AM - Leave for Tending Moon to teach my class.

9:40 AM - Arrive at Tending Moon, set up the dvd for today and arrange my teaching space.

10:00 AM - My students arrive and we start class!  This week, Class 2, which includes nutrition, exercise, and intro to relaxation.  I am really enjoying my students this time.  It's a private class, just one couple, but they are pretty great and always fill the time, I love that they have questions and contribute so much to our time together.

12:15 PM - Wrap things up with my students, re-set the room and head out to the car.  Text Justin to tell him I'm leaving there and then head to the grocery store on the way home.

12:30 PM - Arrive at the store.  Original main objectives: hair dye, ice, and soda for Justin.  I end up doing some shopping since Justin will be home with the kids a good portion of the next 2 days and they'll need to have all their staples in stock at home.  Also buy a 3lb bag of Smarties in the leftover Halloween candy section.

1:30 PM - Finish shopping, check out.  Save $22.50 with my Fred Meyer rewards and coupons, which makes me happy.

1:50 PM - Arrive home.  Unload groceries and pick up a few things.  Change over the laundry.  Danny and Justin are napping.  Sam wants to play the Wii.  We decide to play Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7.

2:45 PM - Danny wakes up and come out of our room.  He sits with me on the couch and wants to play.  The Wii U keeps freezing up and it's annoying.

3:00 PM - I wake Justin up and tell him to get up because I want to start working on housework.  I have a list of 13 things I want to be done before a sitter comes Monday.  Having someone over is usually a pretty big motivation for me to get some stuff done, plus I usually try to do chores on Saturday so I can relax on Sunday.  Play Wii with Sam for a while longer.  Talk to Justin about the chores and he says he doesn't want to do housework today.  Kids are asking for things.

4:30 PM - FINALLY get to start doing chores.  Give a deep clean to the kids bathroom (a 7 year old with bowel issues and a 3 year old who is newly potty trained, both boys who pee everywhere lead to... just, ew).

5:00 PM - Go to our room and spray the cat barf all over the floor with rug cleaner.  Before starting to clean the bathroom, decide to clean out under the sink and the medicine cabinet so I can put my hair dryer and stuff under the sink.  Get rid of expired products.  Clean the bathroom.  Finish cleaning the carpet.

5:40ish PM - Deal with laundry switching over.  Take out all the trash in the house, which combines to 2 big bags.  Take recycling out to garage (if you could see the pile of recycling in the garage right now you would not even believe it).  Unload dishwasher and do the dishes that have built up.

6:15 PM - Clean up random stuff around desk and pick up toys in the living room.  Take dirty dishes into the kitchen.

6:30 PM - Eat dinner.  Boxed pasta with Italian sausage that Justin prepared while I was doing dishes and stuff.  Danny is watching Toy Story 3 and climbs up into my lap.  I watch the rest of the movie with him and cry at the end.

8:00 PM - Movie's over, kids are prepped for bed.  Justin takes Sam tonight and I take Danny.  I refill his water and get his milk.  We read Goodnight Moon and Caps for Sale.  When we start Goodnight Moon, he names all the letters in the title.  I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC song.  Usually that's when I say goodnight, but he wants me to stay.  I tell him I'll stay for a couple of minutes.  When I tell him it's time to go he is still fussy so I offer one more song.  You Are My Sunshine.  Then I tell him goodnight and leave.

8:30ish PM - Come out of Danny's room.  Take dishes into the kitchen.  Swap the laundry, and spot clean a couple of places that didn't get all the way clean.  Shove it in the drier and start another load.  Get out my laptop and look at email, reply to a couple threads on Facebook and start my blog entry for today.  Keep writing, get sidetracked by looking at old blog entries, then get totally distracted by the fact that there is a new birth center opening in Bellingham next year (squeeee!), being opened by the midwife who cared for me when I was pregnant with Danny.  I also watch this week's episodes of Scandal and Glee while I'm writing.

10:26 PM - Now.  It's been 2 hours and I am done.  And this is all I did today.  "All."  Yet, my to-do list still has like 20 items on it!  Life is crazy.  At least I finished all but 4 of the things on the to-do-before-babysitter checklist.

What did YOU do today?  Do you keep old planners, to-do lists, or journal?  Do you ever keep track of a typical day so you can be amazed at it later?

NaBloPoMo/Thankful Day 8: Facebook (Yes, Really)

Today I am thankful for Facebook.  Yes, it's true, there is a tendency to get sucked in and it can be a place to waste hours every day if you're not careful.  Sometimes I get annoyed at what I see there because there is so much tendency for untrue or ignorant things to be spread.  On the other hand, you do control your own friend list and activity so if it's bugging you too much, you can just make a change.  In the end, for me, the benefits far outweigh the bad stuff.

There's a reason this came up with me today.  If it wasn't for Facebook, I might never have seen this beautiful photo of my stepmom and little sister, Lianna, who live in New Jersey.  Up until 3 years ago, I used to get to see them 2-4 times a year.  Sam loves Lianna, and I loved going back east to visit because even though I only lived there when I was small I have a lot of family in the Philadelphia area and part of my heart is left there.  Then, life happened.  Neither my little family here or my stepmom are in a position to afford plane tickets anymore, especially with the prices that have gone up so much since last time we flew there!  Danny's over 2 now and needs his own seat, which means at least 3 seats, 4 if Justin went, and it's just too much.  I get to see photos of Lianna's life, and share photos of the boys with both of them easily, and today when I saw this picture, I was filled with love.

On Facebook, I get to see photos of my little, wonderful niece Nora.  They live about 7 hours from us, though they travel to Seattle often (at least 1-2 weekends per month), and I don't get to see them as much as I'd like.  I wish their
farm was in Whatcom County and we could spend our weekends there letting the kids play and run outside.  But, it's not.  My sister's not a big technology person, but she DOES run the Facebook page for their business, Olsen Farms.  And Nora has become somewhat of a little mascot for them!  They are such a family company, how could you resist buying meat and potatoes from them?  And shoulder bacon.  It's SO DELICIOUS.  And because Facebook is relevant in marketing, I get to see photos like this one of Nora and Brent on Halloween that I would never have otherwise seen.

I have gotten back in touch with my best friend from fourth and fifth grade who lives back in Michigan, and I absolutely love seeing her updates and pictures of her kids.  We had a special bond, and I love that we can be friends again.  I get to see photos of my Grandmother who has Alzheimers, and who realistically with our financial situation, I can't say for sure if I'll ever get to see her again in person because my Aunt shares the photos.

I have built communities there too that I just wouldn't be able to participate in "in real life".  With working full time and my commute and having 2 kids and errands and teaching classes, and not much money, I can't attend blog conferences, or birth related workshops, or chat with other parents at the park after school anymore.

Through my blogging, and connecting with other bloggers whose blogs I read, I have made friends on Facebook that I never would have gotten to know in real life.  I don't always talk to them a ton, but they make me really happy.  One of them is in Bellingham, and we have actually met and she helped me out with some issues I was having with my template on the Born in Bellingham site.

I have my wonderful communities related to birth, and have been able to get familiar with people in my local birth community as well as having a wonderful community of Birth Boot Camp instructors and board members who I communicate with and learn from on a daily basis.  They are there for education, for support, and for celebrating our students with others who understand the passion for teaching this curriculum.  Bellingham has its own birth community and I have gotten to know people through Facebook and our local professionals group and made connections that I couldn't have made without this networking tool.  I have worked with some people promoting my class, supporting our clients or students, and working in the community.

I also have my parenting groups and local mom, wife, and women's groups.  One of the things I miss most about being a stay at home mom is connecting and chatting with the other parents after school at the playground when the kids got off the bus, played, and ran around, and we got to talk.  No, Facebook doesn't replace this.  I still miss those moms and being part of my physical community near our home.  But it's 100x better than no support or commiseration at all.  I can get advice, I can help others with what I know, and some of it has lead to real life friends.  Friends like my my co-worker Kali who works with me because I went out on a limb and gave her info to my boss when she needed an internship, and like the women in my wife/marriage support small group that meet every month or two to support each other and help however we can.

It's pretty amazing sometimes.