August 2, 2012

Ball of Confusion

My life is a big ball of confusion and emotion. Awesome things have been happening, I started my reading for my Birth Boot Camp training and am super excited about it. The new website is awesome and growing and I can't wait for the stuff I am planning next to grow it. But at the same time this week has been extremely difficult, especially the last 3 or 4 days.  I am still looking for a job and bot finding much, and I feel like the next stage of my life can't truly begin until I find one.  I am super emotional, frustrated with the kids, and really wanting to be alone more than anything else.  And I can't be.  It is frustrating that I am frustrated.  I feel annoyed and guilty and bad-mothery.  I am turning into one of those Facebookers I hate who post depressing repetitive statuses.  I feel better and I feel worse.  I have good friends and I can't imagine what I would do without them.  I am a Debbie Downer.  I have no balance.  I have to give myself time but I have to figure out how to do that and not be a crappy mom. I don't know what I am doing anymore.