I'm too busy writing to write

Hi. Remember me? Something's gotten in the way of my writing lately. I'm too busy writing to write!

Let me back up a bit. Sometime in the last couple of months, Amanda Westmont (whose blog I read at Mandajuice) decided to self-publish her first novel on Kindle & Nook. I wanted to support her, and I was interested, so I bought it. And I read it. In 2 days. I liked it, and I think you should totally check it out. It's a romance, but it's also about getting what we need and want in life. It would be perfect for the beach this summer! Or the pool. When I was finished with Gravy, I knew it was time to write my own book.

I have always been a writer. I've talked about it here a little bit before. When I was 18, I had an idea for a novel that was originally inspired by a crush on a teacher and a quarter studying abroad in London. It's been in my head, and some of it has come out on paper. I haven't worked on it seriously in at least 5 years, but really closer to 10.

There's something in my now telling me that it's time, and I've been writing. Today I wrote for an hour. I have spent time re-writing things that were already down, adding new things, making a ridiculously detailed week by week timeline for the time the story covers. When I'm driving, when I'm putting the baby to bed, when I'm lying there waiting to fall asleep, I am thinking about the book and writing in my head.

This feels so right. I know that I am actually going to do this - I'm writing a book! I don't know if I'll ever get published "for real." But as time goes on it seems like there are always more options for self publishing and sharing. It's going to be a while before anyone gets to read it - I have a lot of work to do. But when I'm writing, I feel alive. It seems weird to say that, but it's true. I feel inspired, I feel creative, I'm on a natural high. It's kind of amazing.

So, for right now while this muse is living in my head, I may be around here a bit less often. I'm still going to try and write here, because there are totally things I want to say and share. It just seems like my creativity is channeling itself somewhere else right now. And I can't wait to see where it goes.

Weekly Winners: Birthday Edition!

Weekly Winners is the creation of the beautiful Lotus from i am lotus. It gives us a chance to share our favorite shots of the week every Sunday.

Spring Blossoms




This is NOT a game!



I know what's in there!



What a harvest!



His custom cake



Big Blues



One looks good on him



In addition to my favorites from May 8-14, I've been way behind in editing and posting photos. I finally got caught up this week, so here are a few of my favorites from the last month.

Hello, friend



Hidden Monarch



Leave. Me. Alone.



Chicken Dance



You lookin' at ME?



Where is Sam?!



Reveling in Geekery



His favorite



For more Weekly Winners, visit i am lotus.

B Corns

Sam pretends to throw something.

Sam: I threw a nut at you!
Rachael: Like an acorn?
Sam: Yes, like an acorn. Like a b corn!
Rachael: Oh, a b corn, huh?
Sam: That's what acorns are called in the future.

*****

Sam likes us to "do Danny's voice," talk in a high voice and pretend we are Danny saying whatever. I was doing Danny's voice.

Sam coughs.

"Danny": What was that noise?!
Sam: That was just me coughing.
"Danny": Why?
Sam: Because people are meant to cough. And sneeze.

Friday Fragments: Video Edition!

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post.

Friday Fragments are the brainchild of Mrs.4444 and you can find more at Half Past Kissin' Time.

*****

This week for my Friday Fragments I'm feeling quite fragmented, and have decided to do a video edition. I will intersperse my fragments with videos of the songs I sing to Danny when I'm putting him to bed. It can be pretty random. Here's the first one - one I had sung to me as a child. Who could possibly not love this one?



*****

This week's Glee was SO GOOD. I loved it, particularly this fabulous mashup of Rachel & Quinn singing Unpretty/I Feel Pretty.



Also, Kurt is FINALLY back! He is my absolute favorite, and Chris Colfer singing As If I Never Said Goodbye? SO GOOD. I was glad they gave him such a wonderful song, and a totally full length version of it too. And they always do Gaga well, don't they? I totally teared up a couple of times, including when poor Emma was sitting in the psychiatrists office getting her prescription. As someone who has had to take that step to ask a doctor for help I am glad they are treating it a little bit as a serious issue instead of just having it be 'funny' forever.

*****

Here's song #2 I sing regularly. I couldn't find an official video, please ignore the weird imagery.



I have never been a HUGE country fan, but I do like some of Garth Brooks stuff, and this is perfectly in my range.

*****

Are you on Pinterest yet? If not, WHY NOT? Yes, is is completely and ridiculously addictive. But it's so much fun! Also, having a place to go and basically just look at pretty things you like? It's awesome. I also like it because I can use it to pin things instead of bookmarking them in my browser, then I can access them from anywhere and know where to find them later.

*****

Song three... sad subject matter, but I love, love, love this song.



*****

Sam is turning FIVE on Monday. Can you believe that? I can't! For his birthday, we're dropping Danny off at my Mom's and having a just-for-Sam day down in Seattle going to the Pacific Science Center, including the Star Wars exhibit. He is SUPER excited, and I honestly can't wait. Extra bonus, I'll get to dawdle around in the butterfly room with my new camera!

*****

Another Dixie Chicks song. I wasn't sure about this song at first, because I thought it was about a man. Then I realized it wasn't, and it might have made me tear up a little. It's beautiful.



*****

Danny got his first bleeding injury today. Twice. Yeah, he did not have a great day. This morning he finally managed to hurt himself on the two brick steps leading down into our living room. I didn't actually see it happen, but he somehow fell directly on his face and got a bloody nose. Not five hours later, Sam managed to kick him in the face with sock feet and he was bleeding in his mouth. Poor little dude. He was happy again by the time he went to bed though, and went down without even waking up.

*****

Here's another song I like to sing as a lullaby, because I like some of the lyrics. It's relaxing.



What lullabies did you/do you sing your kids? Did your parents sing to you?

*****

We got Sam Kirby's Epic Yarn for his birthday. He has been watching the Ultimate Wii Challenge video of the two guys playing it for weeks, and he LOVES it. We gave it to him early because we knew how much he was looking forward to it, and it's tons of fun and easy enough that he can play it for the most part. We have all been having a good time playing together.

Well, I guess that's all for this week. I'm off to visit you guys! I haven't been getting as much computer time lately, so I'm really looking forward to reading the fragments this week.

White Chocolate (Coconut) Macadamia Nut Blondies

WHAT? Did your mouth just explode with wanting to eat these? It should have.



My Mom went to Hawaii a couple of weeks ago, and brought back a bounty of fresh macadamia nuts. She bought the special nutcracker you need because it takes 300 lbs of pressure to crack their super-thick shells. It took me an hour to crack a small ziplock bag full, and then I had to decide what to do with them. Today I decided I wanted to make some kind of cookie bar instead of just traditional cookies, and I'd bought white chocolate chips to go with them since they pair so well.

I looked through my Better Homes & Gardens red and white checkered cookbook and found a recipe for blondies, so I decided to modify the recipe to what I wanted. I also decided to make mine with gluten free flour and made sure none of the ingredients had corn since my mom's husband has both Celiac's Disease AND a corn allergy and I really wanted him to be able to have some.

White Chocolate (Coconut) Macadamia Nut Blondies

2 cups packed brown sugar
2/3 cup butter
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour (I used a mix of Pamela's and Bob's Red Mill baking mixes)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
1 cup chopped macadamia nuts
(optional: 1/4 cup coconut flakes)

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Grease a 13x9x2 inch baking pan and set aside.
3. In a medium saucepan heat brown sugar and butter over medium heat until butter melts and the mixture is smooth, stirring constantly.
4. Cool slightly, then stir in one egg at a time.
5. Stir in vanilla.
6. Stir in flour, baking powder, and baking soda.
7. Spread batter in prepared baking pan.
8. Sprinkle with nuts and chocolate. If you want some with coconut, sprinkle the 1/4 cup coconut over half the pan.
9. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.
10. Cool slightly on a wire rack. Cut into 36 bars while warm.

I had trouble with the cooking time and they looked dark when I took them out, although once I cut them, they do not seem overcooked except for the corner pieces. I'm not sure if it was because of the gluten free flour or because I used too much coconut (I reduced the amount for this recipe), or because maybe my baking powder is bad. In any case, depending on the ingredients, you may need to adjust the cooking time. I just kept putting it back in for 5 more minutes until the toothpick was clean.



I also just let them cool in the pan - I'm not sure how I would have gotten them out of the pan in once piece without cutting them. I cut them while they were warm, before the firmed up too much.

Also, one great thing about this cookbook is that it includes nutrition facts for the recipes. These are 4 Weight Watchers Points Plus per piece - not bad for something SO GOOD.



Enjoy!

PS I obviously totally failed at my first attempt at NaBloPoMo for 2011. Bygones...

All the Maybes

Tonight, my head is spinning with words like interoception, sensory processing disorder, diagnosis, and occupational therapy. With the introduction of his whisper repeating/palilalia and echolalia, our minds have crossed the line between waiting for him to grow out of it and seeking more help.

***

On Thursdays, we have to walk to the bottom of the driveway in time to move the trash can before the school bus comes. If I don't get there in time, it's in the way, and the bus driver has to get out and move it before he can pull off on the edge of our drive.

Today, Sam decided 5 minutes before we had to walk down, as I was trying to get his boots & coat on him, that he was hungry. He ate goldfish crackers, then wanted water. I had been asking him all morning if he was hungry or wanted something to eat, and he turned me down. It's frustrating when these things happen, but I also can't deny him because he barely eats at all.

As we walk down the driveway, Danny babbles in the front of the stroller. I pulled out the double stroller with the bench seat so Sam could ride too. I'm sure it's hard to have Danny get so much attention. Sam wants to play a game on the way down, and we talk about monsters.

I don't worry anymore about whether he'll get on the bus or I'll have to walk him to the door and encourage him to set foot on the stairs. He takes his backpack and does it on his own now. His driver chats with me about the weather, and Sam taps him, says he needs to tell him something. He tells him how much snow there was this morning. It's all melted now.

***

Justin has a harder time dealing with Danny than he did with Sam, because he sees so much of himself in Sam that he knows how to handle him. Now, with all his quirks and his personality, Justin remembers things that made parts of his childhood hard for him.

In the end, it all comes down to this: no parent wants their child to have a rough time. It's hard to keep my mind from thinking of this as something being "wrong." It's not wrong, it's just different. It's everyday life for me, and whatever happens happens. But I've heard too many stories of kids whose parents had a hard time getting them what they needed. Too many stories of fighting with insurance companies, school districts, labeling our kids. Sometimes, when your child is on the edge, or not classified/labeled, it makes things harder because you need a diagnosis to get treatment.

It's all just speculation on my part. I'm sure I'm getting ahead of myself here. I read checklists and there are things that hit the nail on the head. But there are a hundred more than don't describe him at all. It's such a big basket, this sensory thing.

***

I got an email from my Mom today. I think she said it perfectly - as a grandmother, she wants to believe he'll just grow out of it. But as an educator (20+ years in early childhood and special education), she thinks he needs more help. I totally agree. I think he does too. As a mother, though, right this moment? I don't fully want to accept it.

Justin has had this feeling in his gut for a while that it's not just passing phases and things he'll grow out of. Maybe it would have been better if we'd pushed harder, sooner. Maybe not. Maybe Sam WILL grow out of this stuff. Maybe not. Maybe he'll get diagnosed with something like sensory processing disorder. Maybe they won't put him in that group, but there's no denying he has sensory issues.

***

I know I'm all over the place, but that's how I feel right now. I'm not committed to a diagnosis, or to an explanation, or to a certain feeling. I'm just all maybes and what ifs and wheres and hows and love and fear and pain and somewhere in there, there's some peace & hope. I know it will come to the head of the class soon.

30 Days of Truth Day 17: We are all made of corn

The prompt for Day 17 of 30 Days of Truth is "a book you've read that changed your views on something."

I had a hard time deciding what to post for this one. I read a lot. But I don't tend to read books that go against something I already believe. I do read nonfiction, but usually I'm reading about a subject I'm already interested in. While this was definitely the case with "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan, I feel like the book opened my eyes a little bit. I was already interested in sustainability and eating more healthfully.

Here's my review, originally posted in July 2008.

I just finished reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, which marked my 25th book read this year, and the halfway point in my goal to read at least 50 books this year. I have been wanting to read this book for quite some time, and was finally given a little push when it was chosen as the July book for my book club.

Corn

I LOVED this book. Despite that I ended my reading with many more questions than answers and a sense of general uneasiness about the way I eat and feed my family, I am glad I read it. It is much easier to be ignorant of what is really going on with the food and farming industries, but that doesn't mean it's right.

My first shock when reading this book was reading the list of things in the food I eat that are made from corn. I cannot believe how much corn I am eating, especially considering the amount of processed food I eat. It made me think about how much I DON'T think about where my food comes from, or what I've been putting in to my body. This is an issue that's come up in our family recently anyway with Justin being diagnosed with Celiac Disease we've had to really start checking our food and making sure that nothing he eats contains wheat gluten and other things like malt, barley etc. Despite becoming more familiar with our food, it still made me feel a little weird when I found out that 13 out of the 38 ingredients in a McDonalds chichen nugget can be derived from corn. Beyond that beign weird, what are 38 ingredients doing in a nugget anyhow?

Not only that, but knowing how all of the corn I'm ingesting gets processed really made me less excited about eating it. Did you know that it takes 50 gallons of oil to grow 1 acre of corn? No? I bet you also didn't know that after WW2 some munitions plants were switched to making chemical fertilizer, which is made from the same stuff used to make explosives. Which means instead of shooting those bombs off, we're eating them.

Gluttony

This book also gave me a lot of insight into some of the reasons why we are so fat these days. And by WE I mean Americans. I mean, have you ever been to another country? They walk. They exercise. After I spent 3 months in London walking everywhere, and walking FAST, I was in the best shape of my life. In America, they figured out that people felt like gluttons asking for seconds, so instead they just made the portion sizes ginormous. Have you noticed what you get now when you ask for a small at most fast food places? 20 oz? A small used to be 8 oz, Coke used to come in 8 oz cans.

Organic vs. Sustainable

For the past couple of years, I've made much more of an effort to buy organic. I buy Sam organic milk, and I try to buy organic products as often as possible because I figured it was better. What I'm really thinking about now is buying organic vs. buying sustainable. What does organic really mean? In some cases, not much at all. At a chicken plant, the only difference between an organic chicken and a non-organic chicken is that the organic chickens are fed a certified organic corn feed, which probably costs a tiny bit more. Other than that, they're treated the same way as the other chickens. In the same category, you might want to think about what it really means when a chicken is labeled as 'free range'. It means bupkis, that's what. The average lifespan of a chicken in a plant might be around 7 weeks. For the first 5, they're kept inside because organic chickens are so susceptible to disease and infection. For the last 2 weeks they are given a door with access to a grassy strip outside. Guess what? They don't go out. They've already lived five weeks without going outside, why the hell would they go out now? Two weeks later, they're on our plates.

I'm not saying there is no upside to 'organic', there is. The land that grows organic crops isn't spread with chemicals. But the field right next to it, owned by the same company, might be.

Pastoral Farming

My favorite part of the book was the middle section, where Michael went to live at Polyface Farms, a pastoral farm on the East Coast. They grow everything naturally, and the lives of the animals and plants on the farm are so intertwined that you couldn't have one without the others. This section of the book literally made me want to go and live there. Yes it would be hard. I would be working for ten or twelve hours a day doing manual labor. But I would also be healthier, in better shape, well fed, and wouldn't have to worry as much about the kind of damage I'm doing with the food products I choose to buy. The farm is much too much to describe here, but it's an amazing place. Pollan also points out that if the 16 million acres now being used to grow corn to feed cows in the US were converted to this kind of pastoral farm, it would be the equivalent of taking about four million cars off the road. That's a lot of freaking cars.

What Do I Know?

There are several quotes in this book from people eating wild meat, or meat raised on farms like Polyface. They say that it tastes like the chicken they remember from when they were kids, or that it really tastes like chicken. This got me thinking that perhaps I don't even know what REAL meat tastes like. I was talking to Violet about the book and admitted that in a lot of cases, I would rather order something without chicken (like a quesadilla) because the chicken is just... protein. It doesn't taste like anything, it's not particularly tender or juicy or flavorful. It's just an ingredient. It made me wonder how far this extends into my life - have I ever had REAL meat? Pollan also makes an excellent point regarding the price of food - honestly priced, more expensive food (like a dozen eggs from Polyface) versus irresponsibly priced food where the costs to the earth, the costs to the environment, the amount of oil it took to be produced are not considered or factored in to the cost.

So What?

What I've written here is a tiny slice of the pie. This book was so good that I find it hard to sit down and write anything about it without just saying, heck, just go read it! I do recommend it to anyone who is interested in getting the facts about where food comes from. Pollan is very fair and factual in his representations, I was actually very appreciative of the way he talked about vegetarians and showed both sides of the argument without bias. He observed, experienced, and researched, and the outcome is an amazing look into the food we eat in America today.

It's not easy to change your life overnight. It would have been a lot easier not to read this book, to have stayed ignorant and never considered where my meat comes from or the huge cost of industrial farming. This book made me want to think more about what I put into my body. To buy locally and try and support local and sustainable farmers. To go to the farmers market more often. Not everyone can change everything. These products can be more expensive. But every tiny step that you take in the right direction can make a difference. I don't know where this book will take me, but I would like to hope that I'll be able to make some changes in where and how we buy our food that will allow the earth and our family to be a little bit healthier.

To be honest, we have not changed that much since I wrote this (which I cannot believe was three years ago!). I try to buy some local foods, and I love farmer's markets. My sister runs one in Seattle, and works for the Neighborhood Farmer's Market Association, so she brings me great stuff sometimes. When I'm in Seattle, I sometimes visit her markets. Regardless of how we're eating at home right now, I hope that between my sister and I, we will teach our kids a lot about sustainability and how to fuel their bodies.

For the other 29 days, click here.